Making a Few Changes Does Not Make Me a Failure

My blog has been quiet in 2018.  It’s been a rough start.  While I’m used to life not being easy and filled with stress, I have to admit that I’ve been thrown for a loop.  How I’ve been feeling is actually hard to explain - numb, flat, frozen?

The stress level of my job went through the roof.  It was completely out of control.

I wasn’t prepared for the incredibly intense anxiety I’ve felt surrounding my son’s college decision.

We were faced with a major car repair which added to my already overwhelming stress about finances.

My husband has been sick more days than he has been well this year.

My daughter got her learner’s permit - another reminder because of how fast time with my kids is flying.

Two months ago I ended up in the hospital with chest pain.

I was transferred to a new position at work.

And I turned 45.

Eight years ago I arrived to a place where I had to make some changes in my life or continue on a path of uncontrolled stress and poor health. I successfully made those changes and have been sailing along since. That is until now.

I felt like a failure. What was I doing wrong?  Why was life not working?  Why did I feel this way?

At one of my follow-up appointments, the doctor was suggesting areas I could think about making some changes in my life to improve my health. Cut out pop?  I’ve done that. Switch to wheat bread and pasta?  I’ve done that. Exercise?  I do that. Shaking her head she said, “Everyone can find something to change.”

I was feeling a tad cocky at first.  “I’ve done all I can,” I told myself. “What else can I possibly do?”  That mindset did not make me feel any better.

It feels like I’m back at the beginning. I’ve slowly been finding small changes to make in my daily life. I’ve cut out my morning cup of coffee and caffeine. I’m purposefully embracing my new job. I’ve resumed my practice of sipping a cup of hot tea before bed.

I’ve also been working on accepting that needing to make these life changes does not make me a failure.  I’m a work in progress. Life will never be perfect. I will never be perfect.

I’m reminded of the scripture that I clung too when my journey of healthy life choices began 8 years ago:

This is not the time to give up. This is the time to dig deep and continue to do good - for me, for my family and those around me.  Life isn’t going to stop so neither shall I.