The ABC's of Maintaining Ten Years of Healthy Living

Ten years ago I was a mom of two active elementary kids, a caregiving spouse, a full-time employee,  and a stressed out overall unhealthy unhappy person who made a decision to live a healthier life.  Today I am a mom of two young adults ready to spread their wings, a caregiving spouse, a full-time employee with three jobs who is still stressed out but overall is a HEALTHY and HAPPY person. How is that possible?  How did a single decision to run a 5k made ten years ago create a permanent shift that has completely changed my life?

Knowing that this ten year milestone was approaching, I've spent some time giving that question some serious thought.  How many people set a goal for themselves and not follow through?  How many times had I set a goal and not followed through?  Too many times to count!  So what made this one stick?  It turns out, that the answer is as easy as A-B-C!

ACCEPT THAT LIVING A HEALTHY LIFE IS A NEVER-ENDING PROCESS  
I'm not perfect.  I'm going to make to choices that aren't the best.  Too often, people make a mistake or miss a step and, as a result, they throw in the towel and give up.  Over the past ten years I have not made 100% healthy choices all of the time.  There have been stretches of time when I have not exercised at all or when my diet has consisted of more pizza and less fruit.  There have also been times when my kids' schedules have been crazy or my husband's health has needed our full attention. Over these ten years, I have learned that my journey is not defined by one day or one week.   It's a process.  There are going to be times of joy and times of heartache.  Times of learning and times of victory.  Times of simply needing to survive the day and times of sitting back and saying "this is great!"  When times are tough, I allow myself to cry and be mad and take a minute to wallow in the fact that life absolutely sucks.  When times are good I allow myself to celebrate and be happy and pause to reflect on how lucky I am that this is my life.  Then I stand up and think about the next goal I have for myself and why it's important to me.  I put one foot in front of the other and I keep pushing forward.

BE SMART IN GOAL SETTING
One of the things that running has taught me is the importance of small achievable goals.  When I first started running, there was no way that I could run one mile without stopping. But I could run to the next mailbox.  Then the next.  Then the next.  If I would have started out saying "I'm going to run one mile non-stop," I would have failed.  That would have created a sense of defeat.  Depending on the day I may have decided to try again or I would have given up.  However, saying that I am going to run to the next mailbox is very do-able.  So I would make it to that mailbox and then set my next goal to get to the next mailbox.  Eventually, all of those small distances added up to equal one mile.  Setting a series of small goals eventually leads to the achievement of a larger goal.  Focusing on small goals maintains a positive attitude and sense of progress avoiding feelings of failure.  I always say - Set small goals, celebrate often.  Who doesn't like a celebration???  Even when it's a simple high five.  Small goals push me to keep moving.

Being achievable is only one aspect of a SMART goal.

CREATE A STRONG IN-PERSON SUPPORT SYSTEM
My Tribe, Crew, Team, Posse . . . whatever name you want to use, the accountability of my circle of support has been key in my obtaining and sustaining a life of healthy choices.  There are two things about my circle of support that are important:
* I was intentional in creating this group - The people who are a part of my Circle know my goals, my struggles, my weaknesses, my strengths.  When we are together we talk about healthy living and our dreams.  I trust them.  They know when I need a hug.  My Circle builds me up.  They inspire me to do better everyday.  They know that I am relying on them to hold me accountable because I remind them - all the time.  As a result, this group has been consistent.  We have been friends for many years.  They have been with me through the highest of highs and lowest of lows of this healthy living journey.
* I see those in my circle on a regular basis.  On-line groups are valuable (I'm part of several that I gain much encouragement from!), but an on-line group is not sitting across the conference room table for me when someone brings in a large box of donuts or texting me from the Zumba class I'm supposed to be at while I'm sitting on my couch.  There is nothing like a sweaty hug after finally completing a solid weighted Russian Twist or crossing the finish line of a 5k.  Celebrating an achieved goal with a High Five is the absolute best!  An on-line friend doesn't give me the stink eye from my office door because it's 2PM and I haven't eaten lunch yet.  Sometimes simply being in the presence of my Circle gives me a sense of strength and encouragement that I need and appreciate.

Summing up ten years of healthy living in three steps makes this journey sound simple.  It hasn't been.  I've made some serious changes in my life - going from living off of take out and spending a lot of time sitting on the couch to consistently meal prepping on weekends and sweating my butt off multiple times a week has taken a lot of conscious effort.  I'm proud of myself.  My hope is that my journey (which I'm still traveling on by the way!) inspires you to recognize that you too can achieve great things.  Just start at the beginning with A-B-C.

SHOUT OUT to my amazing Circle of Support!!  Thank you for encouraging me, pushing me, carrying me, loving me through this journey!  I love you all!

My brother-in-law Chris ran my first two 5k's with me!
Here we are approaching the Finish Line back in Spring 2010.

My family!
My mom and sister are the best.
My kids inspire me everyday to be a strong example.
My dad (not pictured) gives the best motivational talks.

Justin, Coach Dana and Nicole - TEAM MUSCLE!
We've been working and working out together for five years.

There were too many pictures to pick just one.
Team Muscle after running the Pittsburgh Marathon Relay in 2017.

Amy (right) truly knows all the ugly parts of my journey.  She's amazing!
It was Amy who suggested we check out a Zumba class  9 years ago.  That's were
we met Cat (middle) - a true inspiration.

Don't get me wrong - on-line groups are valuable!  These ladies are from my
local MRTT (Mom's Run This Town Chapter).  I mostly interact with them on Facebook,
but I do get to see them in person often.  Thank you Melanie for inviting me to join!
Lori and Lynn - your journeys and posts have provided me with much encouragement.

What can I say about this guy?
We've been through it all TOGETHER!  I love you Jamison!

SHOUT OUT to  my high school friend Jodi Barber.  Following her journey

on Facebook pushed me to even think about running my first 5k!  

ABC picture from www.zenefits.com

3 Tips for Helping Someone

I'm sure you have a friend, neighbor or co-worker who you know could use some help with something, but when you ask if she needs help she simply says, "No thanks.  I'm good."  Even though your gut tells you otherwise you move on because, after all, she did say that she was good.  That means she doesn't need anything, right?

As a person who struggles to accept help and as a social worker I can tell you that more often than not "I'm good" really means "I could definitely use some help, but I don't want to burden you." or "I'm really drowning, but I'm too embarrassed to ask."  How do you get beyond the "I'm good" and know how to truly help someone?  Here some ideas for you:

1) Be specific

Instead of asking, "Do you need anything?"  Ask something specific to the situation:

I'm heading to the grocery store.  Do you need any food?

Can I pick your kids up from school on Thursday for a play date?

Would it help if I came and got your laundry?

I'd love to do something for you.  Can I bring dinner over on Wednesday night?

2) Don't ask, just do
When my husband was recovering from one of his back surgeries, a friend noticed that the light bulb was out in our entryway.  She didn't say anything to me about it.  That night her tall husband showed up at my door with a box of light bulbs.  He changed the one in the entryway along with several others throughout the house.  That act of kindness has always stuck out to me.  I could have changed that bulb, but dragging the step ladder out while caring for two young kids and my husband was a very overwhelming task at the time!

This past fall I arrived home from work late one night to find our leaves raked up to the curb.  It was dark so I didn't notice until I left for work the next day that there wasn't a single leaf anywhere is the yard including the shrubs!  Our friend, who had asked if we needed anything multiple times and I had answered with "We're good," had stopped by and completely prepared our yard for winter.  What a gift! 

Sometimes you just know what someone needs.  Sometimes the person you're wanting to help may not even KNOW what he needs.  So just do it.  Show up with a meal.  Put a gift card in the mail.  Drop off some essential groceries or a bouquet of flowers.  Send your kid over to mow the lawn.  Show up to sit with her kids so she can go for a walk. 

3) Keep offering
The person you want to help may not be open to suggestion one or two.  You'll be the judge of that.  If that's the case, don't give up on offering your help.  Keep asking!  If nothing else, he'll know that you care.  Knowing that someone cares can be the greatest gift.

I have friends who every time I text to let them know I'm back at the hospital with my husband, they respond with, "Can we bring you some Chick-fil-A?"  I say no every time, but the simple fact that they offer and I know that they would leave their home to make a drive thru run for me means the world to me.  (Don't worry - I will accept their offer some time.  Truly, who can say no to Chick-fil-A?)

"Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day."

~ Sally Koch ~

"The purpose of life is to contribute in some way to making things better."

~ Robert F. Kennedy ~

I encourage you to pause and think about those in your life who are struggling right now.  Some may be more obvious than others.  What is one small thing that you can reach out and offer or do or just do for her that will make her life better?