4 Simple Ideas to Deflate Your Holiday Stress and Inflate Your Holiday Joy

I want the holidays to be a special time, but I always end up a stressed out ball of blah rolling around with a smile pasted to my face. How can I change that?  How can I help myself enjoy the holidays? 

I firmly believe that I can't take good care of my family if I don't take care of myself.  With the world telling us to think big and shoot for the stars, my solution probably sounds really off base . . . I've lowered my expectations for myself.  I try (notice the word TRY) not to focus on the number of gifts I'm able to buy or the fact that I stink at decorating the outside of my house or that I don't have time to bake a lot of cookies (not that I want to eat that many any way!).  Instead I focus on purposefully doing FOUR things during the holiday season.  Four inexpensive, easily achievable things that make me happy. 

1) I add whipped cream to my coffee.  I can't afford stops at fancy coffee shops or mani/pedi's or massages - but I can enjoy a squirt of extra creamy whipped cream on my coffee as I prepare to face another day.  The fact that I don't do this any other time of year makes it special for me.  What simple, inexpensive treat can you add to your day to give yourself a treat?  Use peppermint scented lotion?  Buy a pair of fun snowman earrings?  Wear a pair of crazy Christmas socks?

My coffee this morning!



2) I go for walks in my neighborhood after dark to look at the Christmas lights.  Enjoying the lights from your car is nice, but you get an entirely different view when you get out of your car and walk.  I love to head out around 10PM for a stroll.  I occasionally drag my family with me.  They grump at first, but will often find that they enjoy it by the end.  Sometimes we carry mugs of hot cocoa with us and other times I have it waiting for us when we get home.  I love when it is snowing and our footprints are the first marks in the fresh snow.  The fresh air is invigorating, the exercise feels so good after being inside all day and the lights are pretty.  I can't help but feel happy when i get back to my house!  (SAFETY NOTE: Please wear reflective gear and/or carry a flashlight!!!)



3) I sing along in a very loud voice to the Christmas songs on the radio.  No matter what craziness is happening in the "real world," when I close the car door, it is just me and me alone.  How can I not smile as I am singing along to the fun adventures of Frosty or be reminded of the powerful precious gift that God gave to us as I sing the First Noel.  I get out of my car feeling refreshed and ready to face the next event.  I'm sure that I've provided some humorous entertainment to those driving next to me, but I don't worry about them.



4) I pick one special activity that I want to do and make sure I do it even if I do it by myself.  This is actually something that I've been doing for the past couple of months.  I'm always telling my husband that we can talk and talk and talk about all of the things that we want to do and accomplish, but nothing will get done unless we take action.   The list of things that I want to accomplish and experience is very long, so I am tackling the smaller items on that list one thing at a time.  I don't give my family any input on what that one thing is because that will lead to an argument.  I simply choose it and invite whoever wants to come with me to be ready at a certain time.  So far there hasn't been a month that I haven't had company.  I haven't decided what my one thing for the month of December will be yet - that's a decision I will ponder during my drive home from my in-laws this afternoon.  Walk around downtown Pittsburgh to look at the Christmas decorations?  Tackle my grandma's Pizzelle Cookie maker?  Drive out to Ohiopyle State Park for a hike?

The one word that is not included in this post (until now) is guilt.  As a mom and a caregiving spouse, I often struggle with feeling guilty about 101 different things every day.  The key for me when it comes to doing these four things without guilt is what I mentioned earlier - If I don't take care of myself then I can't take care of my family.  My family reacts to my stress.  In the same way they react to my joy.  So in a way, if doing these four incredibye simple things make me happy, my family will be happy, too! 

I encourage you - as we prepare to flip our calendars over to December - pick even just one thing that you will purposefully do this month to make YOU happy!  What can you plan to do to deflate your stress and inflate your joy?

the ONE thing i would have done differently on vacation that would have made it a whole lot better

When we left for vacation I was wound tighter than a ball of string.  Work was extremely stressful.  We had several participants pass away over the weeks leading up to my vacation.  We were also working through one of the most intense scenarios with a participant that I have ever experienced and I was leaving for an entire week!  I kept seeing all of the back to school pics on Facebook and knew that I would be returning home to the excitement and anxiety of one child starting junior high and the other high school.  I was anticipating the pattern of high stress that my husband faces every fall.    On top of that I was not exercising on a consistent basis and felt like I had gained 20 pounds.  BLAH!  I needed the beach!

So I drove for two days with one thought on my mind . . . I need the beach!  We arrived at the condo.  I unpacked the suitcases, made the beds, traveled to the grocery store twice (stupid tin foil!!), cooked dinner and prepared the overnight French toast for my husband's birthday breakfast the next morning all with one thought on my mind . . . I need the beach!  By then it was dark and I was exhausted so I fell into bed knowing that I would be up at the crack of dawn which is exactly what I wanted to have happen. I couldn't wait for morning!

My eyes flew open at 6AM.  I grabbed my book, my chair and my mug of coffee.  Running over the dunes I leapt across the sand landing in my chair.  Book open, coffee sipped, the sunrise shimmering across the waves.  Ahhhhh . . . I'm at the beach! 

Let me repeat that.  Ahhhhh . . . I'm at the beach!  Wait - Why was I not relaxing?!?!?  Random thoughts kept popping into my mind.  My skin felt tight.  I had a headache.  My body was not responding to my command to RELAX! 

This happened over and over throughout the week.  Riding the waves . . . not relaxing.  Playing Monkey in the Middle in the pool . . . not relaxing.  Watching an amazing lightening display over the ocean . . . not relaxing.  Watching a movie . . . not relaxing. 

I kept telling myself to relax.  But those random thoughts were like an unending bag of popcorn in the microwave!  I kept trying to stuff them and tell them to leave me alone!  I was here to relax.

Before I knew it, it was Friday morning.  My last morning on the beach.  As I had planned, I took a tablet and pen with me down to the shore.  I wanted to be "prepared" for life when I got home so that I returned ready to roll while holding on to this state of relaxation I was to have achieved while away. 

I sat in my favorite spot with the sun shining on my face and the surf nibbling my toes.  I looked out over the waves . . . Come on!  It's the last day.  RELAX!!!

"Give your burdens to the Lord, and He will take care of you."  Psalm 55:22 NLT

What was that? 

"Give your burdens to the Lord, and He will take care of you."  Psalm 55:22 NLT

Seriously????  I can be so stupid some times.  God had literally been staring me in the face the ENTIRE week.  I was so busy trying to ignore my stress-filled thoughts and relax that I ignored Him.  God was right there waiting for me to hand Him my stress and worries.

So I sat there in my chair in my favorite spot with the sun shining on my face and the surf nibbling my toes and had a nice long conversation with God.  By the end of our talk I had written down the three things that were bothering my the most and identified two action steps that I would take in each area when I got home.  I closed the tablet, walked up to the condo, put the tablet in a dresser drawer, walked back down to the beach and had the BEST day of the entire week.

Next year I'm having this conversation on day ONE of my vacation!

Thank you Lord for a great week at the beach - and a great life lesson!

Encouragement from a Dusty Old Hymnal

When my husband and I bought our first house fifteen years ago, my parents quickly hired a moving company to bring me my piano (more out of their desire to get it out of their house than my desire to have it in mine!).  Since then we've moved the piano four times.  Every time, my husband asked if we could sell it and every time I adamantly said no.  Fingers rarely graced those keys until our daughter began taking piano lessons two years ago. 

This past weekend my level of stress and worry were so great that I wished I could just disappear (no judging - you know you've had those moments!).  It is impossible to be prepared for how much fear and anxiety comes with being a parent.  And when I got married being a caregiver at the age of 40 was not in  the plans.  Work . . . money . . . house repairs . . . check engine lights . . . it felt like the list of worries was never-ending.  The weight of sadness made me so tired it took all my energy to not crawl back into bed.  At the same time the jitters of anxiety made it impossible to sit still.  I found myself sorting through bins in our overstuffed garage.  In one bin filled with random items of mine, I found an old Presbyterian hymn book given to me by my grandma. 

Wandering up to my beloved out-of-tune piano, I began to leaf through the book pausing to peck away at the keys when I came across a more familiar tune.  I eventually came to one of my all-time favorites - He Leadeth Me.  I propped the book on the piano and began to play.

As I finished the song, I noticed the hymn on the next page.  It was one I did not recall ever having seen or heard before -- Far Off I See the Goal. 

Far off I see the goal - O Savior guide me;

I feel my strength is small - Be thou beside me;

With vision ever clear, with love that conquers fear,

And grace to persevere, O Lord provide me.

 

I set personal goals for all areas of my life - my kids, my house, my job, my health . . .  In this moment, though, my goals felt impossible.  It was too much.  Too hard.  Too overwhelming.  

 

I found comfort in this old hymn written back in 1925.  My goals felt extremely far off, but I could still SEE them.  They hadn't disappeared.  I hadn't given up on them.  And who is there to walk beside me and guide me?  My Savior.  How encouraging! 

 

Should earthly pleasures wane, and joy forsake me,

and lonely hours of pain at length o'er take me,

My hand in thine hold fast, till sorrow be o'er the past. 

 

Finding this prayerful hymn of guidance was just what I needed to regain my focus and be ready to jump back into life.  The moment of sorrow has passed . . . Let's go!