How are you Sleeping?

 “The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night’s sleep.” ~ E. Joseph Cossman

 Stress and anxiety can negatively impact the quality of our sleep.

 Poor sleep can negatively impact our mood and mental health.

 Low mood and mental health can negatively impact . . . everything!

The holiday season plus the continued presence of Covid-19 is definitely increasing stress and anxiety for many people - including me.  Is that stress and anxiety impacting your ability to fall or stay asleep?  Is there anything you can do to help yourself have a better night’s sleep?  ABSOLUTELY!  

Try one of the suggestions below recommended by the American Alliance of Healthy Sleep (AAHS):

1.       Turn off your electronics an hour before you want to go to sleep.

2.       Enjoy a steaming cup of herbal tea before turning in for the night

3.       Listen to relaxing music (however you define relaxing)

4.       Do a deep breathing meditation activity.  You can find several options on YouTube at no cost.

5.       Avoid caffeine 4-6 hours before going to sleep

6.       Exercise on a regular basis

7.       Wear a sleep mask to block out any light.  There are some really cute inexpensive ones out there! 

This final tip is from me - 

8.       After getting into bed, but before laying down write down everything that you are worried or stressed about on a piece of paper.  Set the paper on your nightstand and say to yourself “I am leaving all of my worries and stressors right here where they will stay until I pick them up in the morning.”  

Here is the true key to getting a better night's sleep: If something doesn’t work the first time you try it, don’t panic and give up.  It can take your body several nights to get used to a new routine.  So often we are ready to give up on something before giving it a fair shot.  Commit to trying something for seven nights before moving on to try something else.  

Picture credit:

www.vectorstock.com

www.pinterest.com

Feel all the Feels

Are you feeling a sense of pressure to maintain a happy demeanor?   You don’t want your kids, your parents or your patients to be sad, worried or upset about how COVID is impacting our lives and the holidays.  You take a deep breath, plaster a smile on your face and push forward. 

People sometimes try to hide their true emotions.  They take their feelings and stuff them deep down in their gut in an effort to ignore them.  In an attempt to make them go away some people may drink, eat, spend or sleep too much.  Or they find that they begin to lose the ability to keep that happy smiling mask on.  Plans to remain happy and positive are thwarted by grouchiness and snippy comments that they just can’t seem to control anymore.

My friend and co-worker Amy Hammond, PCSW, shared with our staff earlier this week about our emotions.  She said, “Name It- Stating our feelings out loud means they are real. When you name it, you feel it.”  If you are one who has stuffed your emotions, I encourage you to take that a step further and release those feelings. 

As a stuffer, I call it “Throwing Myself a Time Limited Pity Party.”  I’ll tell myself that for the next 15 minutes (30 minutes, evening – whatever time I need or have) I’m going to let myself be sad (or angry or upset – you get the idea).  Then I do one or more of the following:

Ø  * Have a good cry.

Ø  * Lay in bed and literally pull the covers over my head.

Ø  * Play music real loud and scream or sing at the top of my lungs. 

Ø  * Write my frustrations or worries down on a piece of paper.  Take that paper and crumble it into a ball and hurl it toward the garbage can or toss it in the fire watching my frustrations and worries go up in smoke.

Ø  * Stand up and march in place lifting my knees high and stomping my feet back to ground.  Or jump and dance around (very much like Kevin Bacon in the movie Footloose - you know what scene I'm talking about!).

Ø  * Call a friend and let her know that I need a no-holding-back-venting session. 

Heading into the weekend, take a moment and do an emotional inventory.  Are their emotions that you are not recognizing because you feel the need to be the one who always has a happy face?  If you find them tucked deep within, take some time and let them out.  Give yourself permission to feel all the feels.  Once your emotions are out in the open, your smile will be ready to return to its proper place and continue to spread comfort and joy to those you see.

picture credit: www.sacmag.com; www.pinterest.com 

Check Out Your Neighborhood's Holiday Lights on Foot

Is your neighborhood as lit up as mine with twinkling lights, blow-ups dancing in the breeze and spotlights showing off garland and bows?  Looking at the forecast, this is going to be a great weekend to bundle up, fill a travel mug with steaming hot cocoa and head out one evening to look at the lights . . . on foot.  That’s right.  I said on foot.  Skip the traditional car ride around the neighborhood and take a walk by yourself or with your family.  There are so many benefits to this activity – physical exercise, fresh air, a moment to slow down time as your stroll through your neighborhood, time to connect with your family away from technology, feelings of joy as you soak in the holiday spirit and an opportunity to see your world from a new perspective.  

Beautiful lights shining through the snow.

I have to confess that I have absolutely no research to back-up any of those benefits – just personal experience of a favorite holiday tradition I introduced my family to a couple of years ago.  However, research on perspective tells us that purposefully looking at a situation from a different angle boosts creativity, increases curiosity and builds community.  All skills that will benefit us personally and professionally during this time when the holiday blues and stress related to COVID are impacting a majority of people. 

A nighttime walk through your neighborhood is fun on its own.  But you could also change things up a bit to add to the fun.  You can turn your walk it into a scavenger hunt by putting a list together of things for your family to look for - blow-up Santa, red lights, wreath on door, lit up tree in window, reindeer on roof.  Your family could vote on who has the best decorations in your neighborhood.  Before you head out the door, young kids could make a poster or ribbon to post on the winners door.  You could bake cookies to drop off for the winner as their prize.  There are so many ways to turn this simple walk into a winter adventure!  

Regardless of what direction you take this idea, I encourage you to pause and enjoy the moment.  Taking a quiet evening stroll by yourself or leading your family on a nighttime escapade will help you to relax and soak in some holiday joy.
 

A few safety tips for nighttime walks:

Wear reflective gear

Carry a flashlight (but don’t aim it directly as passing vehicles)

Walk facing traffic

Walk with young children next to the curb placing yourself between them and traffic

Take a mask (in case you have the chance to stop and share a socially distanced conversation with a neighbor)

Don't Forget to Eat Fresh Fruit!

After several days of delicious holiday leftovers, you may be feeling a little sluggish and full – both physically and mentally.  Get your body moving again and keep it rolling by adding fresh fruit to your diet.  

Fresh fruit often gets overlooked during the colder months.  The health benefits of fruit make it worth the conscious effort to include it in your diet!  Fruit is naturally low in fat, sodium and calories.  Fruit is a great source of fiber which keeps our bowels in check.  Fruit can help to maintain a healthy blood pressure, lower cholesterol and prevent heart disease.  (www.choosemyplate.gov)    

Fresh bananas and blueberries mixed
into my oatmeal.

Here are some tips for making fresh fruit accessible and appealing to you and your family:

·        * Keep a bowl of fresh fruit on your kitchen counter or table.

·       *  Cut-up fruit and keep it in your refrigerator to grab for a quick snack.

·        *  No time to prep fruit?  Check out the produce section of your grocery store for pre-cut packages of fresh fruit.

·       *  Add some pizzazz to your fruit choices by trying something new.  There are so many varieties of apples and pears - grab one you’ve never had before!  Check out fruits that are in season.  You’re sure to find some unique ones such as a cactus pear, feijoa, kumquat or persimmons.

     * Serve fruit with your meals. 

     Next time you stop at the grocery, don't fly through the produce section without grabbing a few pieces of fruit.  Your body will thank you!

      Looking for more information about fresh fruit?  Check out

www.choosemyplate.gov

www.fruitsandveggies.org

Evaluate Your Thanksgiving Day Expectations

“Disappointment is unmet expectations, and the more significant the expectations the more significant the disappointment.” ~Brene Brown

“Expectation is the root of all heartache.” ~William Shakespeare

We all have a vision of what we think the perfect Thanksgiving day should look like. It’s when that vision does not play out in reality that stress, disappointment and heartache replace joy and gratitude. This year, more than any other year, is going to test our vision of what Thanksgiving should look like. The key word in that sentence is SHOULD.

“One of the great things about expectations is that we’re the ones who make them.” ~Jeanne Rupert

I encourage you to take some time before Thursday to evaluate your expectations for this upcoming holiday weekend.  Consider the following:

· What is truly important to you?

· What can you control? What is completely out of your control?

· Remind yourself of the reality of the year 2020.

· If something goes wrong, what is the worst that could happen? Have you just created a heartwarming or hilarious family memory that will be discussed at Thanksgivings for years to come?

· Think of one thing that is important to you that it happen or go well and focus on making that one thing happen versus focusing on an entire day of perfection.

My family's Thanksgiving plans have changed multiple times over the past few weeks.  As of today, all of our individual households will be having their own Thanksgiving.  So it will be my husband, daughter and I eating together.  My son will be quarantining in his apartment a state away as he was exposed to COVID at work.  At first I was really sad about the need for a drastic change from our regular celebrations.  However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I have absolutely no control over the big picture.  We want our family to be healthy and safe so I've accepted that being apart and celebrating through Zoom calls is the best option for this year.   

Thinking about the three of us who will be together, I talked to my family about what they like about Thanksgiving.  For my husband, it's football.  Every year without fail, dinner is served right at a key point during the game and he misses it.  For my daughter who is a very picky eater, it's that she doesn't really like any of the traditional Thanksgiving dishes that we serve.  What would she want to eat?  Macaroni and Cheese!  For me, I love running in a local Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning.  

My expectations for Thanksgiving 2020 have been reset.  It will definitely look different than in years past and I'm OK with that fact.  I'll get up and run in a virtual turkey trot before stepping into the kitchen to cook my very first Thanksgiving dinner which I'm getting more excited about as the day draws closer.  I'm going to set our table up in front of the TV so that my husband doesn't have to miss a single down of the football game.  When my daughter fills her plate solely with macaroni and cheese, I won't say a word.  

What are your expectations for Thanksgiving 2020?

“If you align your expectations with reality, you will never be disappointed.”  ~Terrell Owens

Picture credits: www.sugarandcharm.com     www.alamy.com     www.pngkey.com

The ABC's of Maintaining Ten Years of Healthy Living

Ten years ago I was a mom of two active elementary kids, a caregiving spouse, a full-time employee,  and a stressed out overall unhealthy unhappy person who made a decision to live a healthier life.  Today I am a mom of two young adults ready to spread their wings, a caregiving spouse, a full-time employee with three jobs who is still stressed out but overall is a HEALTHY and HAPPY person. How is that possible?  How did a single decision to run a 5k made ten years ago create a permanent shift that has completely changed my life?

Knowing that this ten year milestone was approaching, I've spent some time giving that question some serious thought.  How many people set a goal for themselves and not follow through?  How many times had I set a goal and not followed through?  Too many times to count!  So what made this one stick?  It turns out, that the answer is as easy as A-B-C!

ACCEPT THAT LIVING A HEALTHY LIFE IS A NEVER-ENDING PROCESS  
I'm not perfect.  I'm going to make to choices that aren't the best.  Too often, people make a mistake or miss a step and, as a result, they throw in the towel and give up.  Over the past ten years I have not made 100% healthy choices all of the time.  There have been stretches of time when I have not exercised at all or when my diet has consisted of more pizza and less fruit.  There have also been times when my kids' schedules have been crazy or my husband's health has needed our full attention. Over these ten years, I have learned that my journey is not defined by one day or one week.   It's a process.  There are going to be times of joy and times of heartache.  Times of learning and times of victory.  Times of simply needing to survive the day and times of sitting back and saying "this is great!"  When times are tough, I allow myself to cry and be mad and take a minute to wallow in the fact that life absolutely sucks.  When times are good I allow myself to celebrate and be happy and pause to reflect on how lucky I am that this is my life.  Then I stand up and think about the next goal I have for myself and why it's important to me.  I put one foot in front of the other and I keep pushing forward.

BE SMART IN GOAL SETTING
One of the things that running has taught me is the importance of small achievable goals.  When I first started running, there was no way that I could run one mile without stopping. But I could run to the next mailbox.  Then the next.  Then the next.  If I would have started out saying "I'm going to run one mile non-stop," I would have failed.  That would have created a sense of defeat.  Depending on the day I may have decided to try again or I would have given up.  However, saying that I am going to run to the next mailbox is very do-able.  So I would make it to that mailbox and then set my next goal to get to the next mailbox.  Eventually, all of those small distances added up to equal one mile.  Setting a series of small goals eventually leads to the achievement of a larger goal.  Focusing on small goals maintains a positive attitude and sense of progress avoiding feelings of failure.  I always say - Set small goals, celebrate often.  Who doesn't like a celebration???  Even when it's a simple high five.  Small goals push me to keep moving.

Being achievable is only one aspect of a SMART goal.

CREATE A STRONG IN-PERSON SUPPORT SYSTEM
My Tribe, Crew, Team, Posse . . . whatever name you want to use, the accountability of my circle of support has been key in my obtaining and sustaining a life of healthy choices.  There are two things about my circle of support that are important:
* I was intentional in creating this group - The people who are a part of my Circle know my goals, my struggles, my weaknesses, my strengths.  When we are together we talk about healthy living and our dreams.  I trust them.  They know when I need a hug.  My Circle builds me up.  They inspire me to do better everyday.  They know that I am relying on them to hold me accountable because I remind them - all the time.  As a result, this group has been consistent.  We have been friends for many years.  They have been with me through the highest of highs and lowest of lows of this healthy living journey.
* I see those in my circle on a regular basis.  On-line groups are valuable (I'm part of several that I gain much encouragement from!), but an on-line group is not sitting across the conference room table for me when someone brings in a large box of donuts or texting me from the Zumba class I'm supposed to be at while I'm sitting on my couch.  There is nothing like a sweaty hug after finally completing a solid weighted Russian Twist or crossing the finish line of a 5k.  Celebrating an achieved goal with a High Five is the absolute best!  An on-line friend doesn't give me the stink eye from my office door because it's 2PM and I haven't eaten lunch yet.  Sometimes simply being in the presence of my Circle gives me a sense of strength and encouragement that I need and appreciate.

Summing up ten years of healthy living in three steps makes this journey sound simple.  It hasn't been.  I've made some serious changes in my life - going from living off of take out and spending a lot of time sitting on the couch to consistently meal prepping on weekends and sweating my butt off multiple times a week has taken a lot of conscious effort.  I'm proud of myself.  My hope is that my journey (which I'm still traveling on by the way!) inspires you to recognize that you too can achieve great things.  Just start at the beginning with A-B-C.

SHOUT OUT to my amazing Circle of Support!!  Thank you for encouraging me, pushing me, carrying me, loving me through this journey!  I love you all!

My brother-in-law Chris ran my first two 5k's with me!
Here we are approaching the Finish Line back in Spring 2010.

My family!
My mom and sister are the best.
My kids inspire me everyday to be a strong example.
My dad (not pictured) gives the best motivational talks.

Justin, Coach Dana and Nicole - TEAM MUSCLE!
We've been working and working out together for five years.

There were too many pictures to pick just one.
Team Muscle after running the Pittsburgh Marathon Relay in 2017.

Amy (right) truly knows all the ugly parts of my journey.  She's amazing!
It was Amy who suggested we check out a Zumba class  9 years ago.  That's were
we met Cat (middle) - a true inspiration.

Don't get me wrong - on-line groups are valuable!  These ladies are from my
local MRTT (Mom's Run This Town Chapter).  I mostly interact with them on Facebook,
but I do get to see them in person often.  Thank you Melanie for inviting me to join!
Lori and Lynn - your journeys and posts have provided me with much encouragement.

What can I say about this guy?
We've been through it all TOGETHER!  I love you Jamison!

SHOUT OUT to  my high school friend Jodi Barber.  Following her journey

on Facebook pushed me to even think about running my first 5k!  

ABC picture from www.zenefits.com

3 Tips for Helping Someone

I'm sure you have a friend, neighbor or co-worker who you know could use some help with something, but when you ask if she needs help she simply says, "No thanks.  I'm good."  Even though your gut tells you otherwise you move on because, after all, she did say that she was good.  That means she doesn't need anything, right?

As a person who struggles to accept help and as a social worker I can tell you that more often than not "I'm good" really means "I could definitely use some help, but I don't want to burden you." or "I'm really drowning, but I'm too embarrassed to ask."  How do you get beyond the "I'm good" and know how to truly help someone?  Here some ideas for you:

1) Be specific

Instead of asking, "Do you need anything?"  Ask something specific to the situation:

I'm heading to the grocery store.  Do you need any food?

Can I pick your kids up from school on Thursday for a play date?

Would it help if I came and got your laundry?

I'd love to do something for you.  Can I bring dinner over on Wednesday night?

2) Don't ask, just do
When my husband was recovering from one of his back surgeries, a friend noticed that the light bulb was out in our entryway.  She didn't say anything to me about it.  That night her tall husband showed up at my door with a box of light bulbs.  He changed the one in the entryway along with several others throughout the house.  That act of kindness has always stuck out to me.  I could have changed that bulb, but dragging the step ladder out while caring for two young kids and my husband was a very overwhelming task at the time!

This past fall I arrived home from work late one night to find our leaves raked up to the curb.  It was dark so I didn't notice until I left for work the next day that there wasn't a single leaf anywhere is the yard including the shrubs!  Our friend, who had asked if we needed anything multiple times and I had answered with "We're good," had stopped by and completely prepared our yard for winter.  What a gift! 

Sometimes you just know what someone needs.  Sometimes the person you're wanting to help may not even KNOW what he needs.  So just do it.  Show up with a meal.  Put a gift card in the mail.  Drop off some essential groceries or a bouquet of flowers.  Send your kid over to mow the lawn.  Show up to sit with her kids so she can go for a walk. 

3) Keep offering
The person you want to help may not be open to suggestion one or two.  You'll be the judge of that.  If that's the case, don't give up on offering your help.  Keep asking!  If nothing else, he'll know that you care.  Knowing that someone cares can be the greatest gift.

I have friends who every time I text to let them know I'm back at the hospital with my husband, they respond with, "Can we bring you some Chick-fil-A?"  I say no every time, but the simple fact that they offer and I know that they would leave their home to make a drive thru run for me means the world to me.  (Don't worry - I will accept their offer some time.  Truly, who can say no to Chick-fil-A?)

"Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day."

~ Sally Koch ~

"The purpose of life is to contribute in some way to making things better."

~ Robert F. Kennedy ~

I encourage you to pause and think about those in your life who are struggling right now.  Some may be more obvious than others.  What is one small thing that you can reach out and offer or do or just do for her that will make her life better?