Get Off the Couch! Three Simple Tips to Find Motivation

 I know what I need to do, but I find that I don't have the motivation to get up and do what I need to do to take care of me.  How do I make myself get up and get moving?

I was presented with this question multiple times this past week.  It's a great question!  We often do know the healthy choices we can make - step outside for a walk, cook a meal instead of ordering pizza, go to the support group meeting, look up a mindfulness practice on-line and do it - but where we get stuck is following through and actually doing it.  We're literally stuck sitting on the couch because we stopped moving and now we're too tired.  The self-induced pressure of completing our long To Do list is so heavy.  We're too overwhelmed to take action.  We just don't want to do it.  

Here are three simple things that I do when I'm lacking the motivation to get up and take action on that healthy choice.  

1) Countdown - Sometimes I start at 10.  Sometimes I start at 3.  Out loud I countdown to GO!  It may be a barely audible whisper.  I may shout it at the top of my lungs.  Setting the immediate goal that I'm going to get up at "GO" does the trick when I am lacking ambition.

GO!

2) Play a Pump-Up Song - Putting on a song that I know will inspire me, that will get my foot tapping and my hips shaking or that I can sing along to will fill me with energy.  Remember Newton's Law?  An object in motion stays in motion.  Once I'm moving it's very easy to keep moving and start that healthy activity.

3) Repeat my WHY - Why am I doing this?  Why is being healthy important to me?  The other day I pulled up to my house after work.  I had one hour before an appointment.  On one hand this was the perfect time to fit in a walk.  On the other hand it was the perfect time for a quick power nap.  Honestly, either of those would have been a healthy choice, but on that day the walk was the better choice for me. I found myself sitting in my car struggling to find the energy to even open the door.  As the debate battled in my mind, I thought of WHY I continue to push myself to move.  I keep myself moving to keep my joints moving (gotta love arthritis!).  I keep myself moving so that I can continue to take care of my family.  I started repeating "For my joints! For my family!" and after a few minutes I got out of the car, went inside, changed my clothes and headed out for a walk. 

It's so easy to get stuck.  Stuck in that moment where you know what the healthy choice is but it feels much easier to not make it. It's in those moments that I encourage you to give these simple tips a try.  They will kick your motivation in gear!  

One Fruit One Veggie Challenge

Here is a simple, low-cost Wellness Event you can host at work.

March is National Nutrition Month.  In honor of National Nutrition Month, the Workplace Wellness Team that I'm part of at work is hosting a One Fruit One Veggie Challenge.  It's simple, eat one fruit and one vegetable every day, mark it off on the Challenge Card (see example below) and turn it in at the end of the month to be entered in a prize drawing.  Everyone gets three passes for the month - no one is perfect!  The prizes that you use don't have to be expensive.  We often use Paid Time Off (PTO) as a prize.  For example, 1 or 2 hours if you complete the challenge or we will draw a name from everyone who completed the challenge for a larger amount of PTO such as 4 or 8 hours.  We've also given wellness focused items out as raffle prizes - a water bottle, yoga mat or journal.   

This challenge is completed using the honor system.  If you say you completed it, we are going to believe you.  

You could also do this Challenge on your own or with your family.  Don't forget to include some type of celebration for completing the challenge.  The celebration is an important aspect of goal setting.  It motivates you to keep moving forward on your health journey!

For some, this may seem like a simple challenge.  For others, fruits and vegetables are not a routine part of their eating.  I recently took snacks to the Community Group that my husband and I are a part of through our church.  Since I have recently had to adopt an anti-inflammatory eating style, I took oranges as well as cookies.  I have to confess that I was shocked at how many people commented that they could not remember the last time they ate a piece of fresh fruit.  The other surprising thing was that the oranges were gone long before the cookies.  That showed me that if given the opportunity, people will enjoy the fruits and vegetables.  This wellness activity presents that opportunity in the form of a healthy challenge that won't break your wellness budget!  

Being a Caring Co-Worker

This month I have the pleasure of being the featured staff member for Community LIFE's Supportive Services Newsletter.  I've been working with our staff to educate them about and give them opportunities to practice self-care during this time of living and working through COVID-19.  It wasn't until listening to an episode of Brene Brown's dare to lead podcast that I was reminded of the importance of also caring for our Teammates.  Here is the article that I wrote for the newsletter focusing on caring for our Team.

Connecting with and Caring for Your Team

“The cure for burnout isn’t and can’t be self-care.  It has to be all of us caring for each other.”

~ Emily & Amelia Nagoski ~

dare to lead podcast with Brene Brown

I have spent a lot of time over the past several months talking about self-care – taking care of you so that you can take care of others.  In my mind, I defined others as our families and Participants.  However, I now realize that there is another group that needs to be included – our co-workers.  

I am reminded of a time several years ago when the East End Social Work department was going through a time of great transition.  I was extremely stressed.  My blood pressure was up.  I was not sleeping.  I even began breaking out into hives.  I was struggling.  Obviously, I made it through, but I honestly don’t think I would have without one thing . . . my Team.  

I would come back to the office to find treats on my desk.  Notes of encouragement showed up in my mailbox and tucked in my windshield wiper.  Team members would remind me to eat and fill my water bottle.   Hugs were limitless.  I felt uplifted.  I felt strengthened.  My Team carried me through that difficult time.

We have been physically separated from our co-workers for most of the past year.  Companies are starting to see the impact that this separation is having on peer relationships within the workplace which in turn is impacting job satisfaction and performance.  

As we enter this second year of life with COVID, we continue to live in a time of uncertainty.  We expect things to be changing on a regular basis yet change seems to happen unexpectedly.  Life at work . . . life at home . . . there is no escaping the madness.  Look around you.  Do you see co-workers who are feeling stressed?  Worn out?  Disconnected?  

We expect things to be changing on a regular basis
yet change seems to happen unexpectedly.

Rather than looking the other way, I encourage you to pause and think of what you can do to connect with your co-workers.  Need some ideas?  Here are four simple and safe ways that we can show each other that we care:

1. Leave a note – Whether it’s a post-it note stuck to a desk phone for a specific person to find or stuck to the coffee pot in the break room for everyone to see, write an inspirational quote or friendly greeting to brighten someone’s day.

2. Invite someone to lunch – Schedule a Teams call and eat lunch together.  Or pack a lunch and make plans to meet in a park or outside of the Center.

3. Embrace Spontaneous Contact – Team members are constantly coming and going from apartment buildings, homes and Centers.  Instead of waving and moving on, pause and ask your co-worker how she is doing.  If you are one of the first ones on a Teams’ meeting, start a conversation with your colleagues rather than hitting mute until the meeting starts.  Embrace those moments of being together when you have a little time to take the focus off work.

4. Send a Gratitude email –Let your co-workers know that you appreciate them.  What a great e-mail that would be to find amongst the hundred you get in a day!  

Connecting with a co-worker builds a caring work community.  A caring work community is a happier place to work for all of us.    

   

Plan Some Positive Anticipation

This week we enter what I consider to be the hardest period of the Holiday Blues – the Post-Holiday Blues.  Schedules go back to normal.  There’s nothing special on the calendar.  The weather is cold and dreary.  The sun is in a deep hibernation (at least here in Pittsburgh!).  Your holiday decorations have been put away or they’re still up because you don’t have the energy to take them down.  You feel bloated and lethargic after eating all of the holiday leftovers over the weekend.  Your Family, friends and clients seem a bit more needy because they too are feeling the post-holiday blues.  And to top it off you are in an office with little human contact or working from home with the people you’ve just spent the past two weeks (or ten months) with and even though you love them dearly you could really use a break.  (Just typing this is making me feel more blah!)

What might help is some Positive Anticipation.  Something to look forward to.  Something new!  Something exciting!

But we are still facing a global pandemic so what is that something new and exciting supposed to look like?  After accepting the fact that “new and exciting” in 2021 is not going to look that same as it has in the past, try this . . . .

1) Select one of the ideas listed below (or come up with your own idea!)

2) Pick a date that is one to two weeks away to do the selected activity

3) Write or Enter the activity on your calendar

4) Write the date and activity on a postee and place it somewhere where you will see it on a daily basis to remind yourself that you have this new and fun activity to anticipate.

• Try a new recipe - Check out Pinterest or google OR dig out your grandma’s old cookbook and try a classic!
• Buy a new boardgame to play with your family (or swap games with a friend)
• Schedule a day to go on a hike on a trail you’ve never tried before Don’t worry about the weather – bundle up!
• Order take out from a restaurant you’ve never eaten at before
• Read a book - When is the last time you shut off your electronics and got lost in a good mystery or a saucy romance?
• Pick a new TV show or movie to watch.  If you think you’ve watched them all over the past ten months, check out a classic!
• Organize a Minute to Win it game night for your family.  Check out this link to some winter-themed games using materials that you may have at home or that you can find at the dollar store: Winter Minute to Win It - Primary Playground
• Invite your family or friends to a Virtual Game Night or Happy Hour.  Follow this link to some game ideas to play virtually many of which are FREE: How to Play Hilarious Group Games Virtually - Money Fit Moms

Planning an activity or event for the near future will take a little bit of time, doesn’t have to require a lot of money and will replace some of your Post-Holiday Blues with some positive anticipation.

But if we learn to think of it as anticipation, as learning, as growing, if we think of the time we spend waiting for the big things of life as an opportunity instead of a passing of time, what wonderful horizons open out!

Anna Neagle

Picture Sources: www.lynhicks.com, cs.ox.ac.uk

Ditch the Resolution. Set a SMART Resolution for 2021.

A hot topic of conversation this time of year is New Year’s Resolutions.  Research done by Discover Healthy Habits revealed that there’s a near even 50/50 split of people who make resolutions versus those who don’t.  The number one reason why people don’t make a resolution is that they’ve been unsuccessful in keeping resolutions in the past so why bother.  Of those surveyed who made a resolution in 2019 only 7% were successful in keeping their resolution.  7%!!!  That means that 93% gave up before the year’s end.  With those odds I’d be hesitant to make a resolution.

  

But hold on.  Don’t stop reading just yet.  There is hope for New Year’s Resolutions.

The #1 reason why people said that they were unsuccessful in keeping their resolution is that their resolution was unrealistic.  Looking at the statistics of resolution maintenance throughout the year, the percentage of people holding strong to their resolution dropped month by month.  This demonstrates to me that the timeliness of a typical resolution is too long.  It’s tough to wait twelve months to acknowledge success. 

Wait a minute – do two of the words in that paragraph look familiar to some of you?  Realistic.  Timely.  Don’t we find them in the goal acronym – SMART? 

Let’s look at the most popular resolutions of 2020 and see how we can make them SMART Resolutions for 2021.

Resolution: I will eat better in 2021.

SMART Resolution: I will eat one piece of fresh fruit five days a week in January.

Resolution: I will get in shape in 2021.

SMART Resolution: I will take a walk four times a week in January.

Resolution: I will save money in 2021.

SMART Resolution: I will set-up an automatic transfer of $50 from every paycheck to my Savings Account by January 31, 2021.

You might be asking yourself, “These are SMART goals, but what about the other eleven months of the year?”  Well, who says that a resolution can only be made on January 1^st and must end on December 31^st?  One of my personal mottos is: 

Set Small Goals, Celebrate Often

 By January 31 your January resolution has become a habit.  HIGH FIVE!!  So you keep doing that one and set another resolution on February 1^st.

Resolution: I will eat better in 2021.

SMART Resolution: I will eat one piece of fresh fruit five days a week in January.

SMART Resolution: I will eat one vegetable five days a week in February.

Twelve months from now on December 31, 2021 you will have developed several new healthy habits resulting in you “eating better in 2021.”

I encourage you to not quickly brush off the idea of setting a New Year’s Resolution.  Instead, pause and consider how setting a SMART Resolution for yourself this year can change your life.

 

Resources:

www.discoverhappyhabits.com

Photo credit: www.fairygodboss.com, www.pinterest.com, www.blog.v-comply.com, www.goodnewsnotebook.com, www.vectorstock.com

Silence Negative Self-Talk by Phoning a Friend

For many of us these next few days are going to be difficult with changed holiday plans and missing family and friends.  When we are feeling down in the dumps it’s easy for our self-talk to guide us down a deep dark hole.  You don’t have to listen to that.  Interrupt that voice.  End that conversation by starting a new one – phone a friend!

1. Call the person who is always in your corner . . . your head cheerleader . . . that person who believes in you 100%!  Tell them you need a holiday pep talk and let them work their magic. 

2. Call someone you think would benefit from hearing a friendly voice on the other end of the line. Doing something for someone else will not only make that person happy but will re-focus your heart and put a smile back on your face.  

Don't let negative self-talk bring you down.  Take control by reaching out and talking with a friend.

Photo found on Pinterest

The Homestretch of 2020

“Be so proud of yourself for how you’ve handled this year.  I don’t know about you, but I fought so many silent battles.  I had to humble myself, wipe my own tears and pat myself on the back.  I’m sure you had to do the same.  Be proud of you.”   ~ Author Priscilla A. Ransom ~

We are entering the home stretch of 2020.  However, the home stretch is normally filled with family, friends, celebrations and many memory-making moments. 

For many of us this may be the hardest two weeks of the entire year.  The separation and isolation from family and friends will feel heavier than ever.  But you know what?  You have made it this far.  Holding tight to that fact, you can continue to move forward through these next two weeks.

To help propel you through this time, take a moment to make two lists and post them somewhere where you will see them on a daily basis to provide a visual reminder of your strength, of the good around you and of hope for the future.

1) Reflect on your victories of 2020.  What were your happiest moments? What were the moments that had you laughing until you cried?  What is something that you did that you would have never dreamed you would do?  What are the moments that you are going to cherish forever?  Write them down!

2) Count your blessings.  Take a moment and make a list of all the things that you have to be thankful for in your life.  Focusing on the good can help the bad not seem so bad.

Be proud of yourself for how you have handled 2020 and know that you have the strength and the perseverance to get through these final two weeks of this crazy year.

Picture credit: www.pinterest.com, www.wisemovement.blogspot.com

How are you Sleeping?

 “The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night’s sleep.” ~ E. Joseph Cossman

 Stress and anxiety can negatively impact the quality of our sleep.

 Poor sleep can negatively impact our mood and mental health.

 Low mood and mental health can negatively impact . . . everything!

The holiday season plus the continued presence of Covid-19 is definitely increasing stress and anxiety for many people - including me.  Is that stress and anxiety impacting your ability to fall or stay asleep?  Is there anything you can do to help yourself have a better night’s sleep?  ABSOLUTELY!  

Try one of the suggestions below recommended by the American Alliance of Healthy Sleep (AAHS):

1.       Turn off your electronics an hour before you want to go to sleep.

2.       Enjoy a steaming cup of herbal tea before turning in for the night

3.       Listen to relaxing music (however you define relaxing)

4.       Do a deep breathing meditation activity.  You can find several options on YouTube at no cost.

5.       Avoid caffeine 4-6 hours before going to sleep

6.       Exercise on a regular basis

7.       Wear a sleep mask to block out any light.  There are some really cute inexpensive ones out there! 

This final tip is from me - 

8.       After getting into bed, but before laying down write down everything that you are worried or stressed about on a piece of paper.  Set the paper on your nightstand and say to yourself “I am leaving all of my worries and stressors right here where they will stay until I pick them up in the morning.”  

Here is the true key to getting a better night's sleep: If something doesn’t work the first time you try it, don’t panic and give up.  It can take your body several nights to get used to a new routine.  So often we are ready to give up on something before giving it a fair shot.  Commit to trying something for seven nights before moving on to try something else.  

Picture credit:

www.vectorstock.com

www.pinterest.com

Feel all the Feels

Are you feeling a sense of pressure to maintain a happy demeanor?   You don’t want your kids, your parents or your patients to be sad, worried or upset about how COVID is impacting our lives and the holidays.  You take a deep breath, plaster a smile on your face and push forward. 

People sometimes try to hide their true emotions.  They take their feelings and stuff them deep down in their gut in an effort to ignore them.  In an attempt to make them go away some people may drink, eat, spend or sleep too much.  Or they find that they begin to lose the ability to keep that happy smiling mask on.  Plans to remain happy and positive are thwarted by grouchiness and snippy comments that they just can’t seem to control anymore.

My friend and co-worker Amy Hammond, PCSW, shared with our staff earlier this week about our emotions.  She said, “Name It- Stating our feelings out loud means they are real. When you name it, you feel it.”  If you are one who has stuffed your emotions, I encourage you to take that a step further and release those feelings. 

As a stuffer, I call it “Throwing Myself a Time Limited Pity Party.”  I’ll tell myself that for the next 15 minutes (30 minutes, evening – whatever time I need or have) I’m going to let myself be sad (or angry or upset – you get the idea).  Then I do one or more of the following:

Ø  * Have a good cry.

Ø  * Lay in bed and literally pull the covers over my head.

Ø  * Play music real loud and scream or sing at the top of my lungs. 

Ø  * Write my frustrations or worries down on a piece of paper.  Take that paper and crumble it into a ball and hurl it toward the garbage can or toss it in the fire watching my frustrations and worries go up in smoke.

Ø  * Stand up and march in place lifting my knees high and stomping my feet back to ground.  Or jump and dance around (very much like Kevin Bacon in the movie Footloose - you know what scene I'm talking about!).

Ø  * Call a friend and let her know that I need a no-holding-back-venting session. 

Heading into the weekend, take a moment and do an emotional inventory.  Are their emotions that you are not recognizing because you feel the need to be the one who always has a happy face?  If you find them tucked deep within, take some time and let them out.  Give yourself permission to feel all the feels.  Once your emotions are out in the open, your smile will be ready to return to its proper place and continue to spread comfort and joy to those you see.

picture credit: www.sacmag.com; www.pinterest.com 

Check Out Your Neighborhood's Holiday Lights on Foot

Is your neighborhood as lit up as mine with twinkling lights, blow-ups dancing in the breeze and spotlights showing off garland and bows?  Looking at the forecast, this is going to be a great weekend to bundle up, fill a travel mug with steaming hot cocoa and head out one evening to look at the lights . . . on foot.  That’s right.  I said on foot.  Skip the traditional car ride around the neighborhood and take a walk by yourself or with your family.  There are so many benefits to this activity – physical exercise, fresh air, a moment to slow down time as your stroll through your neighborhood, time to connect with your family away from technology, feelings of joy as you soak in the holiday spirit and an opportunity to see your world from a new perspective.  

Beautiful lights shining through the snow.

I have to confess that I have absolutely no research to back-up any of those benefits – just personal experience of a favorite holiday tradition I introduced my family to a couple of years ago.  However, research on perspective tells us that purposefully looking at a situation from a different angle boosts creativity, increases curiosity and builds community.  All skills that will benefit us personally and professionally during this time when the holiday blues and stress related to COVID are impacting a majority of people. 

A nighttime walk through your neighborhood is fun on its own.  But you could also change things up a bit to add to the fun.  You can turn your walk it into a scavenger hunt by putting a list together of things for your family to look for - blow-up Santa, red lights, wreath on door, lit up tree in window, reindeer on roof.  Your family could vote on who has the best decorations in your neighborhood.  Before you head out the door, young kids could make a poster or ribbon to post on the winners door.  You could bake cookies to drop off for the winner as their prize.  There are so many ways to turn this simple walk into a winter adventure!  

Regardless of what direction you take this idea, I encourage you to pause and enjoy the moment.  Taking a quiet evening stroll by yourself or leading your family on a nighttime escapade will help you to relax and soak in some holiday joy.
 

A few safety tips for nighttime walks:

Wear reflective gear

Carry a flashlight (but don’t aim it directly as passing vehicles)

Walk facing traffic

Walk with young children next to the curb placing yourself between them and traffic

Take a mask (in case you have the chance to stop and share a socially distanced conversation with a neighbor)

Don't Forget to Eat Fresh Fruit!

After several days of delicious holiday leftovers, you may be feeling a little sluggish and full – both physically and mentally.  Get your body moving again and keep it rolling by adding fresh fruit to your diet.  

Fresh fruit often gets overlooked during the colder months.  The health benefits of fruit make it worth the conscious effort to include it in your diet!  Fruit is naturally low in fat, sodium and calories.  Fruit is a great source of fiber which keeps our bowels in check.  Fruit can help to maintain a healthy blood pressure, lower cholesterol and prevent heart disease.  (www.choosemyplate.gov)    

Fresh bananas and blueberries mixed
into my oatmeal.

Here are some tips for making fresh fruit accessible and appealing to you and your family:

·        * Keep a bowl of fresh fruit on your kitchen counter or table.

·       *  Cut-up fruit and keep it in your refrigerator to grab for a quick snack.

·        *  No time to prep fruit?  Check out the produce section of your grocery store for pre-cut packages of fresh fruit.

·       *  Add some pizzazz to your fruit choices by trying something new.  There are so many varieties of apples and pears - grab one you’ve never had before!  Check out fruits that are in season.  You’re sure to find some unique ones such as a cactus pear, feijoa, kumquat or persimmons.

     * Serve fruit with your meals. 

     Next time you stop at the grocery, don't fly through the produce section without grabbing a few pieces of fruit.  Your body will thank you!

      Looking for more information about fresh fruit?  Check out

www.choosemyplate.gov

www.fruitsandveggies.org

Evaluate Your Thanksgiving Day Expectations

“Disappointment is unmet expectations, and the more significant the expectations the more significant the disappointment.” ~Brene Brown

“Expectation is the root of all heartache.” ~William Shakespeare

We all have a vision of what we think the perfect Thanksgiving day should look like. It’s when that vision does not play out in reality that stress, disappointment and heartache replace joy and gratitude. This year, more than any other year, is going to test our vision of what Thanksgiving should look like. The key word in that sentence is SHOULD.

“One of the great things about expectations is that we’re the ones who make them.” ~Jeanne Rupert

I encourage you to take some time before Thursday to evaluate your expectations for this upcoming holiday weekend.  Consider the following:

· What is truly important to you?

· What can you control? What is completely out of your control?

· Remind yourself of the reality of the year 2020.

· If something goes wrong, what is the worst that could happen? Have you just created a heartwarming or hilarious family memory that will be discussed at Thanksgivings for years to come?

· Think of one thing that is important to you that it happen or go well and focus on making that one thing happen versus focusing on an entire day of perfection.

My family's Thanksgiving plans have changed multiple times over the past few weeks.  As of today, all of our individual households will be having their own Thanksgiving.  So it will be my husband, daughter and I eating together.  My son will be quarantining in his apartment a state away as he was exposed to COVID at work.  At first I was really sad about the need for a drastic change from our regular celebrations.  However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I have absolutely no control over the big picture.  We want our family to be healthy and safe so I've accepted that being apart and celebrating through Zoom calls is the best option for this year.   

Thinking about the three of us who will be together, I talked to my family about what they like about Thanksgiving.  For my husband, it's football.  Every year without fail, dinner is served right at a key point during the game and he misses it.  For my daughter who is a very picky eater, it's that she doesn't really like any of the traditional Thanksgiving dishes that we serve.  What would she want to eat?  Macaroni and Cheese!  For me, I love running in a local Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning.  

My expectations for Thanksgiving 2020 have been reset.  It will definitely look different than in years past and I'm OK with that fact.  I'll get up and run in a virtual turkey trot before stepping into the kitchen to cook my very first Thanksgiving dinner which I'm getting more excited about as the day draws closer.  I'm going to set our table up in front of the TV so that my husband doesn't have to miss a single down of the football game.  When my daughter fills her plate solely with macaroni and cheese, I won't say a word.  

What are your expectations for Thanksgiving 2020?

“If you align your expectations with reality, you will never be disappointed.”  ~Terrell Owens

Picture credits: www.sugarandcharm.com     www.alamy.com     www.pngkey.com

The ABC's of Maintaining Ten Years of Healthy Living

Ten years ago I was a mom of two active elementary kids, a caregiving spouse, a full-time employee,  and a stressed out overall unhealthy unhappy person who made a decision to live a healthier life.  Today I am a mom of two young adults ready to spread their wings, a caregiving spouse, a full-time employee with three jobs who is still stressed out but overall is a HEALTHY and HAPPY person. How is that possible?  How did a single decision to run a 5k made ten years ago create a permanent shift that has completely changed my life?

Knowing that this ten year milestone was approaching, I've spent some time giving that question some serious thought.  How many people set a goal for themselves and not follow through?  How many times had I set a goal and not followed through?  Too many times to count!  So what made this one stick?  It turns out, that the answer is as easy as A-B-C!

ACCEPT THAT LIVING A HEALTHY LIFE IS A NEVER-ENDING PROCESS  
I'm not perfect.  I'm going to make to choices that aren't the best.  Too often, people make a mistake or miss a step and, as a result, they throw in the towel and give up.  Over the past ten years I have not made 100% healthy choices all of the time.  There have been stretches of time when I have not exercised at all or when my diet has consisted of more pizza and less fruit.  There have also been times when my kids' schedules have been crazy or my husband's health has needed our full attention. Over these ten years, I have learned that my journey is not defined by one day or one week.   It's a process.  There are going to be times of joy and times of heartache.  Times of learning and times of victory.  Times of simply needing to survive the day and times of sitting back and saying "this is great!"  When times are tough, I allow myself to cry and be mad and take a minute to wallow in the fact that life absolutely sucks.  When times are good I allow myself to celebrate and be happy and pause to reflect on how lucky I am that this is my life.  Then I stand up and think about the next goal I have for myself and why it's important to me.  I put one foot in front of the other and I keep pushing forward.

BE SMART IN GOAL SETTING
One of the things that running has taught me is the importance of small achievable goals.  When I first started running, there was no way that I could run one mile without stopping. But I could run to the next mailbox.  Then the next.  Then the next.  If I would have started out saying "I'm going to run one mile non-stop," I would have failed.  That would have created a sense of defeat.  Depending on the day I may have decided to try again or I would have given up.  However, saying that I am going to run to the next mailbox is very do-able.  So I would make it to that mailbox and then set my next goal to get to the next mailbox.  Eventually, all of those small distances added up to equal one mile.  Setting a series of small goals eventually leads to the achievement of a larger goal.  Focusing on small goals maintains a positive attitude and sense of progress avoiding feelings of failure.  I always say - Set small goals, celebrate often.  Who doesn't like a celebration???  Even when it's a simple high five.  Small goals push me to keep moving.

Being achievable is only one aspect of a SMART goal.

CREATE A STRONG IN-PERSON SUPPORT SYSTEM
My Tribe, Crew, Team, Posse . . . whatever name you want to use, the accountability of my circle of support has been key in my obtaining and sustaining a life of healthy choices.  There are two things about my circle of support that are important:
* I was intentional in creating this group - The people who are a part of my Circle know my goals, my struggles, my weaknesses, my strengths.  When we are together we talk about healthy living and our dreams.  I trust them.  They know when I need a hug.  My Circle builds me up.  They inspire me to do better everyday.  They know that I am relying on them to hold me accountable because I remind them - all the time.  As a result, this group has been consistent.  We have been friends for many years.  They have been with me through the highest of highs and lowest of lows of this healthy living journey.
* I see those in my circle on a regular basis.  On-line groups are valuable (I'm part of several that I gain much encouragement from!), but an on-line group is not sitting across the conference room table for me when someone brings in a large box of donuts or texting me from the Zumba class I'm supposed to be at while I'm sitting on my couch.  There is nothing like a sweaty hug after finally completing a solid weighted Russian Twist or crossing the finish line of a 5k.  Celebrating an achieved goal with a High Five is the absolute best!  An on-line friend doesn't give me the stink eye from my office door because it's 2PM and I haven't eaten lunch yet.  Sometimes simply being in the presence of my Circle gives me a sense of strength and encouragement that I need and appreciate.

Summing up ten years of healthy living in three steps makes this journey sound simple.  It hasn't been.  I've made some serious changes in my life - going from living off of take out and spending a lot of time sitting on the couch to consistently meal prepping on weekends and sweating my butt off multiple times a week has taken a lot of conscious effort.  I'm proud of myself.  My hope is that my journey (which I'm still traveling on by the way!) inspires you to recognize that you too can achieve great things.  Just start at the beginning with A-B-C.

SHOUT OUT to my amazing Circle of Support!!  Thank you for encouraging me, pushing me, carrying me, loving me through this journey!  I love you all!

My brother-in-law Chris ran my first two 5k's with me!
Here we are approaching the Finish Line back in Spring 2010.

My family!
My mom and sister are the best.
My kids inspire me everyday to be a strong example.
My dad (not pictured) gives the best motivational talks.

Justin, Coach Dana and Nicole - TEAM MUSCLE!
We've been working and working out together for five years.

There were too many pictures to pick just one.
Team Muscle after running the Pittsburgh Marathon Relay in 2017.

Amy (right) truly knows all the ugly parts of my journey.  She's amazing!
It was Amy who suggested we check out a Zumba class  9 years ago.  That's were
we met Cat (middle) - a true inspiration.

Don't get me wrong - on-line groups are valuable!  These ladies are from my
local MRTT (Mom's Run This Town Chapter).  I mostly interact with them on Facebook,
but I do get to see them in person often.  Thank you Melanie for inviting me to join!
Lori and Lynn - your journeys and posts have provided me with much encouragement.

What can I say about this guy?
We've been through it all TOGETHER!  I love you Jamison!

SHOUT OUT to  my high school friend Jodi Barber.  Following her journey

on Facebook pushed me to even think about running my first 5k!  

ABC picture from www.zenefits.com

3 Tips for Helping Someone

I'm sure you have a friend, neighbor or co-worker who you know could use some help with something, but when you ask if she needs help she simply says, "No thanks.  I'm good."  Even though your gut tells you otherwise you move on because, after all, she did say that she was good.  That means she doesn't need anything, right?

As a person who struggles to accept help and as a social worker I can tell you that more often than not "I'm good" really means "I could definitely use some help, but I don't want to burden you." or "I'm really drowning, but I'm too embarrassed to ask."  How do you get beyond the "I'm good" and know how to truly help someone?  Here some ideas for you:

1) Be specific

Instead of asking, "Do you need anything?"  Ask something specific to the situation:

I'm heading to the grocery store.  Do you need any food?

Can I pick your kids up from school on Thursday for a play date?

Would it help if I came and got your laundry?

I'd love to do something for you.  Can I bring dinner over on Wednesday night?

2) Don't ask, just do
When my husband was recovering from one of his back surgeries, a friend noticed that the light bulb was out in our entryway.  She didn't say anything to me about it.  That night her tall husband showed up at my door with a box of light bulbs.  He changed the one in the entryway along with several others throughout the house.  That act of kindness has always stuck out to me.  I could have changed that bulb, but dragging the step ladder out while caring for two young kids and my husband was a very overwhelming task at the time!

This past fall I arrived home from work late one night to find our leaves raked up to the curb.  It was dark so I didn't notice until I left for work the next day that there wasn't a single leaf anywhere is the yard including the shrubs!  Our friend, who had asked if we needed anything multiple times and I had answered with "We're good," had stopped by and completely prepared our yard for winter.  What a gift! 

Sometimes you just know what someone needs.  Sometimes the person you're wanting to help may not even KNOW what he needs.  So just do it.  Show up with a meal.  Put a gift card in the mail.  Drop off some essential groceries or a bouquet of flowers.  Send your kid over to mow the lawn.  Show up to sit with her kids so she can go for a walk. 

3) Keep offering
The person you want to help may not be open to suggestion one or two.  You'll be the judge of that.  If that's the case, don't give up on offering your help.  Keep asking!  If nothing else, he'll know that you care.  Knowing that someone cares can be the greatest gift.

I have friends who every time I text to let them know I'm back at the hospital with my husband, they respond with, "Can we bring you some Chick-fil-A?"  I say no every time, but the simple fact that they offer and I know that they would leave their home to make a drive thru run for me means the world to me.  (Don't worry - I will accept their offer some time.  Truly, who can say no to Chick-fil-A?)

"Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day."

~ Sally Koch ~

"The purpose of life is to contribute in some way to making things better."

~ Robert F. Kennedy ~

I encourage you to pause and think about those in your life who are struggling right now.  Some may be more obvious than others.  What is one small thing that you can reach out and offer or do or just do for her that will make her life better? 

The Spouse of a Heart Attack Survivor One Year In

Jamison and I recently celebrated his one year heart-aversary 

with a weekend away.

No, I'm not the one who had the heart attack.  That was my husband.  But just as February 1, 2019 changed his life forever, mine was changed, too.  I've learned over the past year that everyone who has a heart attack is impacted in different ways.  I imagine that the same goes for those who love them.  This is how my life has changed over the past year.

Increased anxiety - There were key decisions that I made throughout the day back on February 1, 2019 that played a key role in my husband's survival.  Leaving work early.  Calling 911 when I did.  Of course, I did not know that at the time.  Over the past year I have found myself frequently questioning my actions.  Should I stop at home first?  Should I go to the grocery tonight or wait until tomorrow?  I worry if my husband does not respond to my texts.  He could be taking a nap, but in my mind he's laying unconscious in the hallway.  My concern for my children's health has spiked to an outrageous high.  I worried before, but now I am all over them about eating fruit, drinking water, exercising, making healthy choices.  I've taken steps to manage my anxiety - deep breathing, exercising, medication - but it still sneaks up on me.

I can't remember where I found this picture,

but I think it is a perfect illustration of my anxiety.

Cheerleader Captain and Senior Listener - As a spouse I've always been my husband's #1 fan.  I've been there to support, encourage and listen through many ups and downs.  For the past year, my husband's heart health has been one of our top priorities and topics of conversation. We've had many doctor's appointments, multiple ER visits and an extended hospital stay this fall.  We've had great victories like my husband walking his first 5k.   We've had moments of doubt and sadness debating if we should go to the hospital or wondering if life will ever be the same.  We've had moments of arguing -   "Step away from the mower Jamison!  You are NOT to mow the lawn!"  We've had moments of joy and love simply looking at each other thankful for another day.  And we've talked about my husband's health A LOT.  Like very frequently.  Like everyday.  (I understand that this is normal for a survivor.  You know I love you Jamison!)  Sadly, I've read posts on social media and articles about relationships that have ended because of a spouse's health.  I'm not perfect and my arms do get tired at times from shaking my pom poms, but I'm proud that we've made it another year on this marital journey.

Jamison and I after walking his first 5k!

Head Chef - This part of the journey has been a lot of fun.  I was disappointed in the lack of nutrition education we were provided with after the heart attack.  The food that you put in your body plays such a key role to your overall health.  Prior to February 1, I knew that single fact in my head.  After February 1, I knew I had to expand upon it.  We took it upon ourselves to learn more about food and the role that it plays in our health.  My friend Dana, a registered dietitian and fitness instructor, met with us as a couple and then continued to counsel me.  Actually, we started texting each other about food choices while Jamison was still in the cardiac ICU!  Over the past year Jamison and I have made significant changes in our diet.  It shows in our physical appearance, but in many other ways such as our blood work and how we feel physically (My feet and ankles no longer swollen and hurting by the end of the day!) and emotionally.  I've had so much fun trying new foods and recipes.  It's been interesting to embrace label reading and discover cravings for food that I never thought I would enjoy on a regular basis (sautéed brussel sprouts, onions and turkey bacon - AMAZING!).

Brussel sprouts, onions and turkey bacon - YUM!!

Embracing the Moment - I'm much more aware of the people and events around me.  I purposefully try to soak in every moment.  I find great delight in times that my kids and I just laugh and joke around.  A good meal - I savor every bite.  Morning coffee with my sister - I sip slowly and enjoy every second.  I was  the person who said "I love you" every time I parted ways with family and friends.  Now I say it more.  I have chased friends down to give them a hug and tell them I love them before they leave the office before going on vacation!  This year has reminded me that I have no idea what tomorrow holds so I must enjoy today.

Faith - I have been a follower of Christ for most of my life.  In looking back on February 1, 2019, I can see how God worked every detail out so that every player was in the right place at the right time.  There have been more times than I'd like to admit over the past fifteen years that I have had some pretty dark conversations with God asking him what in the heck He was doing with my life.  This was not the life that I had imagined.  This was not the life that I wanted.  What was going on???  There have also been numerous times that God has revealed Himself to me demonstrating that He's there and I need to trust in Him.  None so great, however, as February 1, 2019.  My life was changed.  My faith was deepened.  My resolve to live for Him and share His love with others renewed.

One final way that my life has changed since my husband's heart attack is that I have gained a deeper understanding that every spouse is impacted by the heart attack in a different way and that is OK!   I'm on my journey.  Your journey is going to look different; however, my prayer and hope is that you find comfort in the knowledge that you are not alone.  I'm here.