Lessons from Campus: Learn from and Laugh at your Mistakes

Our son has been at college now for 7 days.  It has been so fun to hear him talk about all of the firsts that come with starting college - first meal in the cafeteria, first dorm meeting, first class, first ping pong tournament with the guys in his dorm pod.  Some of those firsts that he has shared with us have been the first mistakes and embarrassing moments as he learns to navigate the ins and outs of college life.  It's those firsts that have stuck with me and actually made me the most proud of him.

We all make mistakes.  Whether we are starting something new or have been on the same path for years.  We're not perfect.  We're going to mess up.  There are those classic words of wisdom - It's not what happens to you, but how you handle it that matters.

JJ's stories of his mishaps often start with "Well, I had another embarrassing moment" or "Wait until you guys hear what I did now."  I am envious of the way her shares these tales with an air of lightness and laughter.  When I mess up I am ravaged with embarrassment, shame and guilt.

Granted not all mistakes are on the same level as realizing you are in the wrong classroom or assuming that the cafeteria is self-serve when it is not, but the lessons can apply across the board.

1) Learn from your actions.  This can be hard to do.  As I sit here and type I am experiencing the worst heart burn at this very moment!  You know why?  I had a cup of coffee.  I am fully aware that coffee gives me heart burn.  But its a sunny breezy morning in the mountains - the perfect scenario to enjoy a cup of coffee while sitting on the deck gazing in to the woods.  So I had one and I cherished every single sip.  However, now I'm paying for it.  Will I do it again?  I'd like to say no.  I could have made another choice.  There are decaffeinated tea bags in the cupboard.

Is this view not screaming - sit back, relax and

enjoy a cup of coffee???

The way that we learn from our mistakes is by realizing that every action we take is a conscious decision.  For example, I want to react to stress in a healthier way.  My normal way of reacting to stress is to eat an entire package of Oreos.  I buy a package of Oreos and tell myself that I will only eat two - three maximum.  Stress gets the best of me and I eat the entire package.  Now I feel guilty and physically sick.  The lesson there would be to not even buy the Oreos . . . EVER!  I could have not gone to the store.  I could have gone for a walk.

Sometimes it takes a while for the lesson to take hold of our minds and hearts.  That's ok.  Our goal should be to keep trying and not give up.

2) Learn to laugh at yourself or at least not beat yourself up so badly.  This can also be hard to do.  It's so easy to mentally tear ourselves a part when we mess up.  I will feel physically hot, feel like my head is filled with water and my chest will get tingly.  Thoughts will run through my mind like "You're so stupid!" or "Why did you do that???" or "What is everyone thinking about you now?"  There are still moments in my life from years ago that, when they come to mind, bring that same reaction.  There is nothing that I can do to change those moments whether they happened today or ten years ago so why do I allow them to have such control?

Sometimes I am able to literally laugh at what a silly mistake I made and move on.  Other times it helps to physically take action to rid my mind of these thoughts.  Here are some things I do to achieve that:
     -- Pray and recite a favorite Scripture verse
     -- Say out loud, "Get out of my head!"
     -- Write what is bothering me on a piece of paper - it may not always be full sentences - and then tear that paper up into teeny tiny pieces and throw it away.
     --  Share my thoughts with someone who I know will respond in a way that will lift me up.
     -- When all else fails I turn to Ball Slams.  Head to the gym, grab a weighted medicine ball, lift it above your head and throw it to the ground as hard as you can.  It will bounce up so that you can catch it and repeat.  Depending on where I am, I've been known to verbally yell out words with each slam. Ball Slams are effective when you are feeling stressed or angry, too.  I love ball slams!

This pic is from a day I requested Ball Slams

be included in our workout!

We strive so hard to teach our children all of the important life lessons that they need to know before sending them off into the world.  Isn't it funny how they, then in turn, teach us some of those same lessons?  

Nine MORE Tips for College Move In Day

This past weekend we moved our son into his dorm to start his freshman year of college.  I was  obsessed with making sure we were doing everything right.  I read every article I came across about preparing for Move In Day and asked every experienced parent a ton of questions.  After experiencing it, here are nine more tips to help make move in day a positive experience.

1) Call the Financial Aid Office one last time to make sure everything is settled as most schools won't let you move in if your bill is not taken care of.  Thankfully I called one last time because one of our son's State Grants had not been received even though it's expected arrival date had passed.  The Financial Aid Office followed up on it and contacted the Resident Life Office to give them the green light for JJ to move in.

2) Unwrap the Memory Foam overlay a couple of days before you go.  I did not know to do that so we ended up bringing it home with us and will take it back to JJ when we go see him in a couple of weeks.  I guess I thought that it would just POP into shape when we opened it.  Nope.  Instead, we found a piece of paper roll up in it that instructed us to open and lay flat for at least 24 hours.  Ooops!

3) Take a moment before you arrive to pray, give your last pieces of advice and say anything else you want to say to your child.  I had spent the week leading up to move-in throwing advice and catch phrases at my son attempting to re-cap 19 years of parenting in 7 days.  When we were almost to the school, my husband and I shared the advice we felt was most important and prayed for JJ.  It was a quiet, calm moment with no distractions. 

4) You will use the tool kit.  I couldn't figure out why we would need one, but we used it . . . twice!

We used that tool kit!

5) Make sure the TV you buy is not too big.  My son was so excited to buy the TV for his dorm room.  He has grand visions of watching football on Sundays and hosting video game tournaments so he bought a HUGE TV: which, much to his and my husband's dismay, I promptly encouraged them to exchange for a smaller one.  I knew that was the right thing to do as we watched a family carrying a large TV back to their car as we sat in line waiting to unload.  Dorm rooms really aren't that big and you don't want your TV hanging over the edge of the dresser where it can easily get knocked off.

It's the perfect size!

6) Pay attention to the meal times for the day.  Even though our check in time was mid-morning, by the time we figured out the room configuration (after five tries of moving everything around the room) and unpacked, we nearly missed lunch.  You could pack a lunch or run to a local fast food place, but it was nice to enjoy a meal in the cafeteria with JJ (and it reassured me that he knew where the fruit and salad bars are located!)

7) Take WD-40!  The one leg of our son's bed is so squeaky!  I wish we had some with us.  He's going to ask the custodial staff or we'll send him some.

8) Pack toilet paper.  One of the first things our son said when we talked to him on the phone was how bad the toilet paper is.  LOL!  My husband said that when we were in college he and his roommates bought their own TP and kept it in their room.  It's on it's way JJ!

9) You'll know when it is time to say good-bye and head home.  His room was unpacked.  We had eaten lunch.  His roommate was settled in.  There came a moment when we just stared at each other in silence and I knew that it was time to go.  I encourage you to jump at that moment.  Don't linger and drag it on.  Our son offered to walk us to our car.  We got halfway there and he said, "Well, I guess this is good."  Right there on the sidewalk at the entrance of to the parking lot.  It was quick.  Hugs and I love you's before he turned and walked back towards his dorm.  We had already said all we wanted to say and he was ready - ready to start this next adventure.  And so were we.

Ready to say good-bye

Celebrating JJ: Free Throws and Early American History

Here we are in the month of August and I can't believe that my oldest son JJ will be heading off to his freshman year at Youngstown State University in less than two weeks.  When comparing life to a race, I feel like I am at the point where the Finish Line is in sight and I'm sprinting as fast as I can to the end.  Move in day is in sight and I'm throwing as many things at JJ as fast I can so that he can know and remember all of the tips and advice I've been trying to teach him for the past 18 years.  Brush your teeth.  Eat at least one fruit and veggie a day.  A firm handshake with eye contact is vital.  Wash your sheets once a week.  Take the stairs when you can. There's so much I want him to know!

High School Graduation
June 2018

JJ has been the subject of many of my blog posts over the years.  To remind myself that I have been teaching him about  making wise health choices and fitting fitness into his day, I looked back and re-read those blog posts.  I thought it would be fun to share them with you!

Here - from September 2013 when JJ was in 8th grade- is FREE THROWS AND EARLY AMERICAN HISTORY.

My family's To Do List is always filled with more tasks than we have time to complete.  This evening was no exception.

One of the most important things that JJ had to do tonight was study for his Early American History test.  After a day of sitting in school with no gym class, I really wanted him to get some exercise, too.  The more I thought about it, I realized there was no reason we couldn't combine the two tasks.   I just had to use a little creativity.

I had JJ review his study guide while I tackled some other items on the evening's To Do List.  Then we got in the car and headed for the gym.  Thankfully a basketball hoop was open.  While JJ warmed up, I set the ground rules.

1) For every Free Throw that JJ missed I would ask him a question from the study guide.
2) If he got the answer right, he attempted another shot.
3) If he got the answer wrong he had to do five jumping jacks and the question would be asked again later.
4) For every five questions that he missed, he had to run a suicide drill.

JJ made lots of baskets - but not all of them!  After getting several questions right, he missed one.  I think I surprised him when I actually made him do the jumping jacks! 

When we got to the last question, JJ had missed four questions.  If he got the last one wrong, he'd have to run . . . no suicide drill for JJ tonight! 

By the end of our study session, JJ had answered all of the questions on the study guide correctly AND had broken a sweat.  And I had crossed two things off of our To Do List.