Observations from Behind the Cash Register: The Power of a Pause

You can change a life by touching someone with

simple, beautiful, kind words and a loving smile.

Dr. Debasish Mridha

I've been MIA from my blog and Facebook page over the past month.  The reason for that is that after years of living paycheck to paycheck and having vehicles all teetering on the verge of a major breakdown, the time I had been dreading arrived.  I needed to get a second job.

I went through a variety of emotions as I began to apply for part-time positions.  Sadness.  Anger.  Frustration.  Fear.  Jealousy.  Embarrassment.  Why does life have to be so hard?

I was able to find a job rather quickly as a cashier in a big-box store for which I am very thankful.  However, having never worked in retail before, I was scared to death!  Many tears were shed leading up to my first day.

Needless to say, I was surprised to find out that I absolutely LOVE being a cashier!  The time goes fast and the people who come through my line are so interesting.   It has only been six weeks that I've been behind the register, but I've already made some observations that have taught me much about life.  The most powerful lesson has been the power of a pause.

Hit the pause button!

My interactions with customers are normally 2-4 minutes long, but it is incredible how much you can learn about a person in those few short minutes.  Is she having a good or bad day?  Is he stressed out about his finances or his kids?  Is she worried out about something?  Is she celebrating a new baby or preparing for a funeral?  Am I the first person he's interacted with in days?

When I greet a new customer I try to pause for a second to make eye contact, smile and ask how his or her day is going before I run the first item over the scanner.  Maybe that's the social worker coming out in me or simply because I'm so nebby (that's means curious for my readers who aren't from Pittsburgh!).  Pausing for that brief second helps me to connect with them in a deeper way than if I kept my head down and grabbed the first item off the belt. 

That pause has led to some deep and significant minute long conversations.  The man who broke into tears because his young daughter had just told him about an unexpected pregnancy.  The woman who was clearly suffering from depression and told me that she hadn't left her apartment in over a week.  The older gentleman who has bed bugs and doesn't know what to do about it.  The woman whose son is struggling to adapt to college. 

I'm learning that there are a lot of people who don't have anyone to talk to about their lives or don't have anyone with whom they can share their true emotions.  That pause seems to lead people to open up to me about what is on their heart - something I absolutely did not expect.  My plan was to go in there, put in my time and get out. 

Dr. Debasish Mridha wrote, "You can change a life by touching someone with simple, beautiful, kind words and a loving smile."  I'm not saying that I am changing people's lives with a smile and a hello, but I certainly have the opportunity to change their day.

This has made me think about all of the people I interact with when I'm not standing behind a cash register - those I interact with on a daily basis for longer than 2-4 minutes.  Am I pausing to make eye contact, smile and ask how their day is going rather than just passing them in the hall with a casual "Hi.  How are you?" or jumping into a conversation about work or a school event.  Is someone having a bad day and simply needs a friendly smile?  Are there people in my life who are struggling and need a friend?  I can be that smile and that friend.

What about you?  Are you rushing through life not connecting with those around you?  I encourage you to pause, make eye contact, smile and ask someone how they are doing.  There is an element of risk as you never know exactly what they are going to say, but you will have the opportunity change someones day . . . or their life by taking a moment to listen.

Finding the Beauty in Life Whether I'm Walking Down the Hill or Back Up

On a recent sunny afternoon I headed out for a walk.  I decided that I would walk for one mile and then turn around reversing my steps to head back home.  Setting my fitness watch to measure my distance, I took off on the paved path.

It was a beautiful day.  As I walked I noticed the bright blue sky dotted with fluffy white clouds

and the colorful butterflies dancing amongst the trees

and the peaceful song of the waterfalls.

How lucky was I to be outside in this stunning place enjoying this marvelous day???

Before I knew it, I had gone a mile.  I turned around to head back to home.  As I walked, my legs began to burn a little bit.  My breathing became a little more labored.  I realized that I was walking uphill.  Really?  I didn't recall the first part of my walk to be this much of a descent.  As my breathing increased and beads of sweat formed on my brow, I grew less enchanted with this walk.  How much farther?  Why had I come this way?  I should have turned left out the door instead of right.  

I was so relieved when I reached the top of the hill and the path flattened out.  Thank goodness that was over!

Later that afternoon when I was looking at the pictures I had taken on my walk it dawned on me that on my way back I had passed those same peaceful waterfalls, passed those same dancing butterflies and the same bright blue sky had been above me.  However, I was so focused on my burning thighs and heavy breathing and sweat that I missed them.  I was looking at the uphill path and failed to see the beauty that still surrounded me.

Life can be the same way.  When things are going good I think my family and friends are the best and the funniest people ever.  I appreciate my job and drive home in my cute little dented car with the windows down and my favorite song blasting on the radio.  When there is a bump in life everyone annoys me and I wish life was different.  I hate my job and my car and the song playing on the radio.  

But wait . . . .

My family and friends are the same amazing funny people.  I'm still driving the same little car going to the same job every morning.  None of that has changed.  What has changed is what I am focusing on.

The good news is that I can control that.

When I was on that walk, I could have stopped to listen to the waterfalls, watch the butterflies and look up at the sky on my way up the hill just as I had on the way down.

 

But I chose to keep my head down and focus on the uphill path.

Life is the same.  I can choose to focus all of my energy on the blip in my path or I can pick up my head and know that, even though the journey is hard at this moment, I am still surrounded by family and friends who love me.  I have a job that I enjoy, a car to drive and a roof over my head.  

Every aspect of my life is not going to be great all of the time, but there is always going to be greatness in my life.  I just need to pick up my head and see it.

These pictures were taken during a walk at Hidden Valley in Pennsylvania's Laurel Highlands.

A Fitness Themed Celebration

Unbelievably, it has been four years since my friends and I started working out together after work.  Four years!  As a thank you to our leader Coach Dana and our company Community LIFE for supporting our group we wanted to bring some treats into our morning meeting.  Since we're a health focused group, we wanted our snacks to have a fitness theme, but also be fun.  So often work celebrations consist of donuts or bagels and cream cheese.  While those are easy and don't take much time (depending on how long the drive-thru line is!), they are not the healthiest option.  Here's the menu we came up with:

Protein "Ball Slams"

Pineapple "Chair Dips"

"Bicep Curl" Krispies

"Goblet Squat" Granola with Yogurt

"G2O"-J

Coach Dana was very surprised and the food was a hit!  The Protein Balls and Pineapple Dip were the stars of the show.  Both were very simple to make - they, along with the rice cereal treats, didn't take much time nor were they expensive.  Here are the recipes from our celebration:

Protein "Ball Slams"

adapted from Chef Savvy's 5 Ingredient Peanut Butter Energy Bites

www.chefsavvy.com

1-1/3 cup creamy peanut butter

1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

2 cups old-fashioned oats

1 cup ground flax seed

1/4 cup honey

Place all five ingredients in a large bowl.  Stir to combine.

Roll into 24 balls If they are difficult to roll, place the mixture in the refrigerator for 30 minutes and try again.  Store in the refrigerator for up to one week.

Protein Ball Slams

Pineapple "Chair Dips"

adapted from Belly Full's Pineapple Nilla Dip

www.bellyfull.net

8 whole Nilla wafer cookies

1 -8oz package cream cheese, softened

1 - 20 oz can crushed pineapple, drained and squeezed of its liquid

1/2 cup powdered sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla

Using a food processor or Ziploc bag and a rolling pin, blend/smash cookies until they are finely ground.

Place all ingredients (including the ground cookies) into a medium bowl.  Using a hand mixer, beat until well combined.  Chill in the refrigerator for at least one hour.

Serve with Nilla wafers, graham crackers, celery or the dipping agent of your choice!

Pineapple Chair Dips

"Bicep Curl" Krispies

1 - 9 oz box of Crispy Rice Cereal

2 - bags of mini marshmallows

1 stick of butter

Spray a 9X13 pan with cooking spray.

Melt the butter in a large sauce pan over low heat.  Once butter is melted, add the 2 bags of marshmallows, stirring constantly until melted.  

Once melted, remove from heat and add rice cereal.  Stir until coated.  Press into the greased 9X13 pan.  

Allow to cool.  Cut into bars and serve. 

Bicep Curl Krispies

We concluded our celebration at the end of the day with a fun workout, gifts for our Coach and of course - CAKE!  The delicious fresh fruit filled layer cake was from Oakmont Bakery (www.oakmontbakery.com).

I've learned over the past several years that "healthy" food is tasty, but it tastes even better and is more fun when you share it with friends!  

Happy Four Years Team Muscle!!

Coach Dana

Tank from www.toughcookieclothing.com

The Time a Deck of Cards Reminded Me that I'm Not a Quitter

My life has reached a time of transition.  My son is off to college.  My daughter is weeks away from getting her driver’s license and once that happens we won’t see her very much.  Most of my volunteer work and involvement with the school has come to an end.  We’ve spent over a decade barely making it paycheck to paycheck and the need for me to get a second job can no longer be ignored.  My emotions bounce between being excited for this new journey and wanting to stay in bed pulling the covers over my head.  Will I be able to handle it?  What is God doing?

If you have read my blog in the past you know that twice a week I work out with a group of friends from work – Team Muscle.  We are led by my friend Dana.  We still workout when she off, but put together our own workouts.

Last Thursday Dana was off and several people were unable to come leaving just two of us.  We decided to complete a Deck of Cards Workout which is where you assign an exercise to each suit.  As you draw each card you complete the number of repetitions of that exercise.  For our workout we chose

Spades – ball slams (14 pound ball) for me and overhead press for my friend

Hearts – overhead press for me (20 pound dumbbells) and ball slams for my friend

Diamonds – sit-ups

Clubs – squat jumps

To add a greater challenge, every time we drew a 2 or a 3 we did 5 burpees.

Side note: Remember that we are all at our own level of fitness and ability.  Some of you may be thinking, “14 pound ball?  That’s no big deal!  20 pound dumbbells?  I could lift those 100 times in my sleep!”  Others may be thinking, “20 pounds?  I can barely lift an 8 pound weight!”  No one judges here.  You are where you are and that level is great for you!  Keep it up!

We got our equipment, completed a warm-up and started to draw cards.  Within the first ten cards, we drew 6 Spades.  (Yes we had shuffled the deck!)  Sweat was pouring off of me as I hurled that ball to the ground.  The next ten were mostly Clubs.  I sprang into the air as high as I could.  We'd only done one set of burpees.  

We began to talk about how we had made this quite difficult for ourselves.  Should we make it easier?  Squats instead of squat jumps?  Lighter weights?  Only do burpees for the two’s?

No way!  Was it determination?  Competitiveness?  Stubbornness?  I think it was a combination of all three that drove us to not change a thing and to draw every card in the deck.  

When we were done I felt a great sense of accomplishment.  We did it!  We completed 99 ball slams, 99 overhead presses, 99 sit-ups, 99 squat jumps and 40 burpees!    (If I had done the math ahead of time, I totally would have done one extra of everything to get to an even 100.)  High Five!

In the big picture of life, was this a huge accomplishment?  No.  But it was a huge reminder to me that I am not a quitter.  I can accomplish anything that I set out to do.  

I left that workout tired and super sweaty, but I also left feeling a sense of pride and filled with joy.  I had a renewed energy to go out and conquer the hurdle that life has thrown in front of me.  Is working a second job going to be easy?  No.  Are there going to be times I want to quit?  I’m sure there will be.  Will I be able to handle the added stress and be successful?  Absolutely!  I love when God gives me reminders like this.  

Lessons from Campus: Learn from and Laugh at your Mistakes

Our son has been at college now for 7 days.  It has been so fun to hear him talk about all of the firsts that come with starting college - first meal in the cafeteria, first dorm meeting, first class, first ping pong tournament with the guys in his dorm pod.  Some of those firsts that he has shared with us have been the first mistakes and embarrassing moments as he learns to navigate the ins and outs of college life.  It's those firsts that have stuck with me and actually made me the most proud of him.

We all make mistakes.  Whether we are starting something new or have been on the same path for years.  We're not perfect.  We're going to mess up.  There are those classic words of wisdom - It's not what happens to you, but how you handle it that matters.

JJ's stories of his mishaps often start with "Well, I had another embarrassing moment" or "Wait until you guys hear what I did now."  I am envious of the way her shares these tales with an air of lightness and laughter.  When I mess up I am ravaged with embarrassment, shame and guilt.

Granted not all mistakes are on the same level as realizing you are in the wrong classroom or assuming that the cafeteria is self-serve when it is not, but the lessons can apply across the board.

1) Learn from your actions.  This can be hard to do.  As I sit here and type I am experiencing the worst heart burn at this very moment!  You know why?  I had a cup of coffee.  I am fully aware that coffee gives me heart burn.  But its a sunny breezy morning in the mountains - the perfect scenario to enjoy a cup of coffee while sitting on the deck gazing in to the woods.  So I had one and I cherished every single sip.  However, now I'm paying for it.  Will I do it again?  I'd like to say no.  I could have made another choice.  There are decaffeinated tea bags in the cupboard.

Is this view not screaming - sit back, relax and

enjoy a cup of coffee???

The way that we learn from our mistakes is by realizing that every action we take is a conscious decision.  For example, I want to react to stress in a healthier way.  My normal way of reacting to stress is to eat an entire package of Oreos.  I buy a package of Oreos and tell myself that I will only eat two - three maximum.  Stress gets the best of me and I eat the entire package.  Now I feel guilty and physically sick.  The lesson there would be to not even buy the Oreos . . . EVER!  I could have not gone to the store.  I could have gone for a walk.

Sometimes it takes a while for the lesson to take hold of our minds and hearts.  That's ok.  Our goal should be to keep trying and not give up.

2) Learn to laugh at yourself or at least not beat yourself up so badly.  This can also be hard to do.  It's so easy to mentally tear ourselves a part when we mess up.  I will feel physically hot, feel like my head is filled with water and my chest will get tingly.  Thoughts will run through my mind like "You're so stupid!" or "Why did you do that???" or "What is everyone thinking about you now?"  There are still moments in my life from years ago that, when they come to mind, bring that same reaction.  There is nothing that I can do to change those moments whether they happened today or ten years ago so why do I allow them to have such control?

Sometimes I am able to literally laugh at what a silly mistake I made and move on.  Other times it helps to physically take action to rid my mind of these thoughts.  Here are some things I do to achieve that:
     -- Pray and recite a favorite Scripture verse
     -- Say out loud, "Get out of my head!"
     -- Write what is bothering me on a piece of paper - it may not always be full sentences - and then tear that paper up into teeny tiny pieces and throw it away.
     --  Share my thoughts with someone who I know will respond in a way that will lift me up.
     -- When all else fails I turn to Ball Slams.  Head to the gym, grab a weighted medicine ball, lift it above your head and throw it to the ground as hard as you can.  It will bounce up so that you can catch it and repeat.  Depending on where I am, I've been known to verbally yell out words with each slam. Ball Slams are effective when you are feeling stressed or angry, too.  I love ball slams!

This pic is from a day I requested Ball Slams

be included in our workout!

We strive so hard to teach our children all of the important life lessons that they need to know before sending them off into the world.  Isn't it funny how they, then in turn, teach us some of those same lessons?  

Nine MORE Tips for College Move In Day

This past weekend we moved our son into his dorm to start his freshman year of college.  I was  obsessed with making sure we were doing everything right.  I read every article I came across about preparing for Move In Day and asked every experienced parent a ton of questions.  After experiencing it, here are nine more tips to help make move in day a positive experience.

1) Call the Financial Aid Office one last time to make sure everything is settled as most schools won't let you move in if your bill is not taken care of.  Thankfully I called one last time because one of our son's State Grants had not been received even though it's expected arrival date had passed.  The Financial Aid Office followed up on it and contacted the Resident Life Office to give them the green light for JJ to move in.

2) Unwrap the Memory Foam overlay a couple of days before you go.  I did not know to do that so we ended up bringing it home with us and will take it back to JJ when we go see him in a couple of weeks.  I guess I thought that it would just POP into shape when we opened it.  Nope.  Instead, we found a piece of paper roll up in it that instructed us to open and lay flat for at least 24 hours.  Ooops!

3) Take a moment before you arrive to pray, give your last pieces of advice and say anything else you want to say to your child.  I had spent the week leading up to move-in throwing advice and catch phrases at my son attempting to re-cap 19 years of parenting in 7 days.  When we were almost to the school, my husband and I shared the advice we felt was most important and prayed for JJ.  It was a quiet, calm moment with no distractions. 

4) You will use the tool kit.  I couldn't figure out why we would need one, but we used it . . . twice!

We used that tool kit!

5) Make sure the TV you buy is not too big.  My son was so excited to buy the TV for his dorm room.  He has grand visions of watching football on Sundays and hosting video game tournaments so he bought a HUGE TV: which, much to his and my husband's dismay, I promptly encouraged them to exchange for a smaller one.  I knew that was the right thing to do as we watched a family carrying a large TV back to their car as we sat in line waiting to unload.  Dorm rooms really aren't that big and you don't want your TV hanging over the edge of the dresser where it can easily get knocked off.

It's the perfect size!

6) Pay attention to the meal times for the day.  Even though our check in time was mid-morning, by the time we figured out the room configuration (after five tries of moving everything around the room) and unpacked, we nearly missed lunch.  You could pack a lunch or run to a local fast food place, but it was nice to enjoy a meal in the cafeteria with JJ (and it reassured me that he knew where the fruit and salad bars are located!)

7) Take WD-40!  The one leg of our son's bed is so squeaky!  I wish we had some with us.  He's going to ask the custodial staff or we'll send him some.

8) Pack toilet paper.  One of the first things our son said when we talked to him on the phone was how bad the toilet paper is.  LOL!  My husband said that when we were in college he and his roommates bought their own TP and kept it in their room.  It's on it's way JJ!

9) You'll know when it is time to say good-bye and head home.  His room was unpacked.  We had eaten lunch.  His roommate was settled in.  There came a moment when we just stared at each other in silence and I knew that it was time to go.  I encourage you to jump at that moment.  Don't linger and drag it on.  Our son offered to walk us to our car.  We got halfway there and he said, "Well, I guess this is good."  Right there on the sidewalk at the entrance of to the parking lot.  It was quick.  Hugs and I love you's before he turned and walked back towards his dorm.  We had already said all we wanted to say and he was ready - ready to start this next adventure.  And so were we.

Ready to say good-bye

Celebrating JJ: Free Throws and Early American History

Here we are in the month of August and I can't believe that my oldest son JJ will be heading off to his freshman year at Youngstown State University in less than two weeks.  When comparing life to a race, I feel like I am at the point where the Finish Line is in sight and I'm sprinting as fast as I can to the end.  Move in day is in sight and I'm throwing as many things at JJ as fast I can so that he can know and remember all of the tips and advice I've been trying to teach him for the past 18 years.  Brush your teeth.  Eat at least one fruit and veggie a day.  A firm handshake with eye contact is vital.  Wash your sheets once a week.  Take the stairs when you can. There's so much I want him to know!

High School Graduation
June 2018

JJ has been the subject of many of my blog posts over the years.  To remind myself that I have been teaching him about  making wise health choices and fitting fitness into his day, I looked back and re-read those blog posts.  I thought it would be fun to share them with you!

Here - from September 2013 when JJ was in 8th grade- is FREE THROWS AND EARLY AMERICAN HISTORY.

My family's To Do List is always filled with more tasks than we have time to complete.  This evening was no exception.

One of the most important things that JJ had to do tonight was study for his Early American History test.  After a day of sitting in school with no gym class, I really wanted him to get some exercise, too.  The more I thought about it, I realized there was no reason we couldn't combine the two tasks.   I just had to use a little creativity.

I had JJ review his study guide while I tackled some other items on the evening's To Do List.  Then we got in the car and headed for the gym.  Thankfully a basketball hoop was open.  While JJ warmed up, I set the ground rules.

1) For every Free Throw that JJ missed I would ask him a question from the study guide.
2) If he got the answer right, he attempted another shot.
3) If he got the answer wrong he had to do five jumping jacks and the question would be asked again later.
4) For every five questions that he missed, he had to run a suicide drill.

JJ made lots of baskets - but not all of them!  After getting several questions right, he missed one.  I think I surprised him when I actually made him do the jumping jacks! 

When we got to the last question, JJ had missed four questions.  If he got the last one wrong, he'd have to run . . . no suicide drill for JJ tonight! 

By the end of our study session, JJ had answered all of the questions on the study guide correctly AND had broken a sweat.  And I had crossed two things off of our To Do List.