As a person who struggles to accept help and as a social worker I can tell you that more often than not "I'm good" really means "I could definitely use some help, but I don't want to burden you." or "I'm really drowning, but I'm too embarrassed to ask." How do you get beyond the "I'm good" and know how to truly help someone? Here some ideas for you:
1) Be specific
Instead of asking, "Do you need anything?" Ask something specific to the situation:
I'm heading to the grocery store. Do you need any food?
Can I pick your kids up from school on Thursday for a play date?
Would it help if I came and got your laundry?
I'd love to do something for you. Can I bring dinner over on Wednesday night?
2) Don't ask, just do
When my husband was recovering from one of his back surgeries, a friend noticed that the light bulb was out in our entryway. She didn't say anything to me about it. That night her tall husband showed up at my door with a box of light bulbs. He changed the one in the entryway along with several others throughout the house. That act of kindness has always stuck out to me. I could have changed that bulb, but dragging the step ladder out while caring for two young kids and my husband was a very overwhelming task at the time!
This past fall I arrived home from work late one night to find our leaves raked up to the curb. It was dark so I didn't notice until I left for work the next day that there wasn't a single leaf anywhere is the yard including the shrubs! Our friend, who had asked if we needed anything multiple times and I had answered with "We're good," had stopped by and completely prepared our yard for winter. What a gift!
Sometimes you just know what someone needs. Sometimes the person you're wanting to help may not even KNOW what he needs. So just do it. Show up with a meal. Put a gift card in the mail. Drop off some essential groceries or a bouquet of flowers. Send your kid over to mow the lawn. Show up to sit with her kids so she can go for a walk.
3) Keep offering
The person you want to help may not be open to suggestion one or two. You'll be the judge of that. If that's the case, don't give up on offering your help. Keep asking! If nothing else, he'll know that you care. Knowing that someone cares can be the greatest gift.
I have friends who every time I text to let them know I'm back at the hospital with my husband, they respond with, "Can we bring you some Chick-fil-A?" I say no every time, but the simple fact that they offer and I know that they would leave their home to make a drive thru run for me means the world to me. (Don't worry - I will accept their offer some time. Truly, who can say no to Chick-fil-A?)
When my husband was recovering from one of his back surgeries, a friend noticed that the light bulb was out in our entryway. She didn't say anything to me about it. That night her tall husband showed up at my door with a box of light bulbs. He changed the one in the entryway along with several others throughout the house. That act of kindness has always stuck out to me. I could have changed that bulb, but dragging the step ladder out while caring for two young kids and my husband was a very overwhelming task at the time!
This past fall I arrived home from work late one night to find our leaves raked up to the curb. It was dark so I didn't notice until I left for work the next day that there wasn't a single leaf anywhere is the yard including the shrubs! Our friend, who had asked if we needed anything multiple times and I had answered with "We're good," had stopped by and completely prepared our yard for winter. What a gift!
Sometimes you just know what someone needs. Sometimes the person you're wanting to help may not even KNOW what he needs. So just do it. Show up with a meal. Put a gift card in the mail. Drop off some essential groceries or a bouquet of flowers. Send your kid over to mow the lawn. Show up to sit with her kids so she can go for a walk.
3) Keep offering
The person you want to help may not be open to suggestion one or two. You'll be the judge of that. If that's the case, don't give up on offering your help. Keep asking! If nothing else, he'll know that you care. Knowing that someone cares can be the greatest gift.
I have friends who every time I text to let them know I'm back at the hospital with my husband, they respond with, "Can we bring you some Chick-fil-A?" I say no every time, but the simple fact that they offer and I know that they would leave their home to make a drive thru run for me means the world to me. (Don't worry - I will accept their offer some time. Truly, who can say no to Chick-fil-A?)
"Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day."
~ Sally Koch ~
"The purpose of life is to contribute in some way to making things better."
~ Robert F. Kennedy ~
I encourage you to pause and think about those in your life who are struggling right now. Some may be more obvious than others. What is one small thing that you can reach out and offer or do or just do for her that will make her life better?
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