Why? Because I love you and I got you. My Husband's Heart Attack Timeline

Most children go through phases in their lives when they ask why questions constantly.  Why can't I touch that?  Why do I have to go to bed?  Why is the sky blue?  Why is her hair blue?  We smile, bend down to their level and answer their questions to the best of our ability.  Every once in awhile after the fiftieth question of the hour, we may get frustrated and lose it a little bit screaming "I don't know why!" or "Because I said so!"

I often wonder if that is how God sees me.  Does he look at me and see a sweet little girl constantly peppering Him with why questions.  Why did you pull us out of youth ministry?  Why does Jamison have to live in pain?  Why do I have to get a second job?  Why is deep dish double cheese pizza so bad for me?  Why????  Deep in my heart I know the answer to all of these questions - Because God loves me.  His plan for my life is perfect.  He is using my life - the good, the bad and the ugly (as perceived by me) - for His glory.  He desires for me to trust in Him and find joy in the journey. 

That is all often easier said than done,  While God has given me the tools to be able to trust Him and has shown Himself to me time and time again, I often find myself throwing my hands in the air asking through clenched teeth "Why are you doing this?"

Every once in a while I wonder if God has one of those parenting moments with me where He gets frustrated and says, "If you need a reminder that I am here and that I got you, I'll show you!"

The timeline of my husband's heart attack is one of those moments where I can so clearly see how every single moment of the timeline was put together so perfectly that it could be nothing else other than God's hand upon us. Let me show you.

1. My Friday nights are normally pretty wild and crazy.  If I'm not scheduled to work at my side hustle (I do love my part-time job at Target!), I normally work late until 5-5:30PM and then stop at the grocery store on my way home.  This gets me home around 7PM.  I make dinner and am dozing on the couch by 8:30PM (Life doesn't get much more wild and crazy that that, right?).  However, on February 1st I arrived home much earlier.  My day had not gone at all as I had planned.  I spent most of my day doing nursing home and home visits.  The snowy weather slowed down my travel (I actually had a little meltdown in my car that morning because the snow was slowing me down and messing with my To Do List!).  I unexpectedly ran into the manager at one of the apartment buildings.  One of my clients needed some extra TLC which resulted in two visits.  I finally finished up my last stop at 3:15PM.  Seeing as I was about 20 minutes from the office and a tad frustrated at how my day went, I figured that it was not worth it for me to go back so I headed to grocery store early.  For that reason, I got home a little after 5PM.

Jamison started experiencing the first symptoms of his heart attack shortly before I arrived home.  If I had not gotten home until 7PM, our outcome would have been very different.  He would have suffered extensive heart damage or worse.

2. Jamison has experienced a lot of physical pain in his life - from kidney stones to chronic back pain to leg pain to migraines.  I've learned that he knows his body and he knows his pain.  As a result, I have always listened to him when it comes to knowing if we need to go the hospital or not.  There have also been plenty of times over the years when Jamison has said that it is best for him to be alone when he is in a lot of pain.

Had I walked away and left him alone or if I had listened to his request and not called 911 when I did, our outcome would have been very different.  He would have suffered extensive heart damage or worse.

3. There are two hospitals close to our home - UPMC East and Forbes.  We have UPMC insurance so East is our hospital; however, we learned that  UPMC East does not have a Cath Lab (I don't want to assume that everyone knows what I'm talking about.  The Cath Lab is the room in the hospital where Cardiac Catheterizations - a procedure to visualize the arteries and chambers of the heart - and needed surgical procedures are performed.).  If Jamison would have been taken to UPMC East, he would have had to be transported via ambulance or life flight to a different hospital in order to get the procedure that he needed.  Instead, the paramedics took Jamison to Forbes Hospital which has a Cath Lab on site.

Going to a different hospital would have delayed the treatment of Jamison's heart attack.  If that was the case, our outcome would have been very different.  He could have suffered increased heart damage or worse. 

4. Arriving at the hospital when we did - around 6:30PM - the Cath Team (the group of medical professionals who perform the Cardiac Catheterizations) would have normally not been at the hospital.  They would have had to be called to come back and we would have had to wait.  However, as we were arriving at the hospital, they were just finishing a complicated procedure which had kept them at the hospital late that evening.  Therefore, the only waiting that we had to do was for the Cath Lab to be cleaned and prepped, which took minutes.

If the Cath Team had not already been at the hospital, Jamison's treatment would have been delayed potentially resulting in increased damage to his heart.  

Jamison and I outside of the Cardiac ICU at Forbes Hospital.

Jamison's artery was 100% blocked.  100%!  Everyone we spoke with at the hospital told us over and over again how the timing of Friday night was key to Jamison surviving his heart attack with very minimal heart damage.

The timing was the key. 

I believe that the timeline of that evening was not mapped out by fate.  It wasn't luck.  It wasn't a coincidence.  It was God.  I can clearly see how every event of the day - starting with the unexpected snow at 6AM! - impacted the outcome of Jamison's heart attack.  To me, that is absolutely amazing!

Jamison's heart attack is going to impact each of us differently and in ways that we may not understand right away.  I already know that part of the influence on my life is a fresh reminder - a big huge slap in the face kind of reminder - that God's holding me, guiding me and protecting me.  In the moment I may not understand why something is happening, but God loves me and He's got me. 

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."  Galatians 6:9 NIV

I have clung to this verse for the past eight years.  But I must confess that over the past few months I have been growing weary and asking God why things are happening the way that they are.  Have i veered away from His plan?  Am I supposed to be somewhere else?  But I've heard Him loud and clear - keep my eyes focused on Him and do not give up for His timing is perfect. 

I've struggled with whether or not I should share this story.  Over the past two weeks we've met people and heard stories where the outcome was very different.  Stories that ended with extensive heart damage or loss of life.  I can't even imagine the heaviness of the WHY that fills their minds.  I do believe that in times of great sorrow and pain, just as in times of great joy, God's timing is perfectly planned.  The answer to the why may not come tomorrow or next year or ever during our time on earth.  That can be hard to accept.  I pray those who are struggling to find that peace reach out to a pastor or counselor or friend to talk about it.